Is she competitive with you at all? I've read that some kids respond to you rewarding yourself when you go to the bathroom. They get jealous and want in on the reward that they previously didn't give a shit about.
This definitely works on my newly potty trained kid! If she refuses to sit in the potty, I say "should baby sister sit on the potty?" And she'll run over. Or if I say "is it my turn first or your turn?" She always wants to go first.
This morning she busted into the bathroom and asked, "Queen, are you making a big pee pee?" (She just started calling me Queen out of the blue, and I'm definitely not discouraging it.)
Post by NewGirlNic on Aug 30, 2017 12:45:20 GMT -5
My son was just over 3.5 before he was trained. And my H did it. He was laid off and it was end of summer so he made it his mission to potty train. They spent a lot of time outside, so if he went it wasn't such a mess (just lots of laundry). When in the house he would have him sit on the toilet every 20 minutes or so. When they left the house he'd wear a pull-up and do as many bathroom breaks as needed. It was just a lot of repetition. And DS also did not care at all about rewards, however making a big deal out of a success was huge for him. At the time he LOVED the song Moves Like Jagger, so anytime he went on the toilet, my H would put the song on and they'd do a dance party to celebrate. That was way more motivating than candy or toys.
I seriously thought he'd be going to K in diapers. Something finally just clicked and he decided he'd stop pissing his pants. Pooping on the toilet was a different story. It wasn't until after he turned 4 until he was consistent with that.
Post by onomatopoeia on Aug 30, 2017 12:46:46 GMT -5
I get the frustration.
Peer pressure is a mighty thing. Is she capable of knowing her body signals, she just doesn't care/is too busy to go? If so, I would put the day she returns to school on a calendar as Big Kid Underwear Day. Make it a big deal to countdown every day. Talk about how the other kids there will also be wearing big kid underwear and using the potty. Honestly, I might even stop all other attempts to potty train her until then, she might just like being in control/driving mom crazy and it's turned into a power struggle. Send her to school in big kid underwear (a character she likes - kids don't want to pee on Anna and Elsa). If she sees all the other kids going to the potty, and not peeing on the floor, she might decide it's the cool thing to do.
I wouldn't do this if she was actually embarrassed or ashamed when she wet herself, obviously. But you said she didn't care, so it might work? Good luck.
ETA: does she see you in the bathroom? My niece took forever, and then was basically trained over night when my sister started taking her to the bathroom every time she went. She also made it a big deal to reward her friends when they came for playdates. (My niece's play dates, not my sister's lol).
My son was 3 years and almost 5 months. Had shown no previous interest in the toilet and could hold his pee all damn day. Not interested in any toy, no matter the size or cost. Was always way too busy to stop for anything. The 3 day method worked like a dream. At the end of the first day I was awash in a river of my own tears and his pee sobbing "I can't live like this. It's never going to work." By day 3 we were done. I followed it exactly.
One thing I think made it really work was all the liquids. He rarely got juice but day one it was unlimited and readily available. He couldn't hold it because he was just flooded! He also eats a ton of fruit so while he tried desperately to NOT poop he had no choice there either. Drop ALL diapers at once and get the whole thing over with at once.
Post by revolution on Aug 30, 2017 12:54:19 GMT -5
DS was over 3. He was stubborn as all get out. He had a huge FOMO and did not care if he was in a pullup/diaper. Not a care in the world. He was in preschool and he could not move up to the next room if he was not potty trained. His teacher finally told me he really needed to go to the next class so to bring in about 8 pairs of clothes for him to change into and we were just going to put him in underwear and tell him no more pullups. She said it would be messy for a few days, but she has never had a kid not get it when she has to resort to this method. The stinker had 1 accident the first day, 1 accident the second day and then was perfectly fine. I think he just needed to be told no more diapers or pull ups.
Post by countthestars on Aug 30, 2017 13:11:29 GMT -5
Just here to commiserate, though mine is the opposite (she holds it for 10 hours at daycare so she doesn't have to pee on the potty). What actually got her to potty train was saying that we were training DS and we needed her help. Your DS is smaller so it probably wouldn't work, but DD was determined to not let DS do it before her (note that he was never really going to actually PT as he shit on the floor and then said "what that?")
Is she competitive with you at all? I've read that some kids respond to you rewarding yourself when you go to the bathroom. They get jealous and want in on the reward that they previously didn't give a shit about.
(She just started calling me Queen out of the blue, and I'm definitely not discouraging it.)
That is the greatest kid thing I've read all day.
Sorry, miso. Maybe just rehome til she learns. Any chance your mom has any tips/advice or wants to take her for 3-4 days and do the dirty work?
My son took a LONG time to potty train. I started the end of June 2016 and he wasn't 100% until January 2017. Honestly, we tried to be consistent and not make accidents into a big deal (he got really discouraged with negative reinforcement). We made a really big deal when he did use the potty, esp for poop. He finally decided to pee on the potty once we made it fun for him (he enjoyed peeing outside lol) and poop just eventually clicked. I tried my best to look for signs he had to poop and put him on the potty but I def missed the signs some days. Once he moved into a class where everyone was trained he no longer had accidents. Peer pressure for the win.
I feel like there's no way Miso hasn't tried the 3-day method, you guys.
That's why I asked what they have done, just to get an understanding of what has been tried to better offer suggestions.
I do think it is about finding their motivation. Is it being compared to a baby? Is it being allowed in a cool pool? Going to school? etc. You need to find what will drive them. Maybe it is making them part of the clean up process that will make them no want to make the mess. I don't know.
This morning she busted into the bathroom and asked, "Queen, are you making a big pee pee?" (She just started calling me Queen out of the blue, and I'm definitely not discouraging it.)
I feel like there's no way Miso hasn't tried the 3-day method, you guys.
That's why I asked what they have done, just to get an understanding of what has been tried to better offer suggestions.
I do think it is about finding their motivation. Is it being compared to a baby? Is it being allowed in a cool pool? Going to school? etc. You need to find what will drive them. Maybe it is making them part of the clean up process that will make them no want to make the mess. I don't know.
Not trying to call anyone out. I'm just ASSuming that she's well past the point of typical potty-training methods. I agree that it's probably a "finding her currency" thing, which sounds maddening.
That's why I asked what they have done, just to get an understanding of what has been tried to better offer suggestions.
I do think it is about finding their motivation. Is it being compared to a baby? Is it being allowed in a cool pool? Going to school? etc. You need to find what will drive them. Maybe it is making them part of the clean up process that will make them no want to make the mess. I don't know.
Not trying to call anyone out. I'm just ASSuming that she's well past the point of typical potty-training methods. I agree that it's probably a "finding her currency" thing, which sounds maddening.
I didn't take it as such, just clarifying why I asked. it is about finding what will make her want to do it.
I'm not sure what to do either with my kid, he's 3 and 4 months now and has no interest in potty training. It doesn't bother him to be wet or have poop, in fact he prefers to run away and keep the poop diaper on for as long as he can. I've tried bribes and talking about how he won't get to go to the big classroom until he stops using diapers, saying diapers are for babies etc. he just says "I'm a baby!" ugh
I'm thinking maybe the 3 day method may be worth a try but I just have this feeling that it won't work! he's very stubborn
anyway just commiserating since I have no actual advice.
I'm not sure what to do either with my kid, he's 3 and 4 months now and has no interest in potty training. It doesn't bother him to be wet or have poop, in fact he prefers to run away and keep the poop diaper on for as long as he can. I've tried bribes and talking about how he won't get to go to the big classroom until he stops using diapers, saying diapers are for babies etc. he just says "I'm a baby!" ugh
I'm thinking maybe the 3 day method may be worth a try but I just have this feeling that it won't work! he's very stubborn
anyway just commiserating since I have no actual advice.
You can get the book on Amazon, it is crazy short. You just have to plan out ahead of time so you can be housebound all weekend and then diligent with the times to the potty. With K we had to abort and then try again a few months later.
All you can do is try and then, if it doesn't work, give him some time and try again. He'll get there.
I also recommend the 3 day method and with Labor Day weekend ahead it's a good time to do it (if you aren't travelling).
I saw jenny1980 already offered to email you the ebook (it's a quick read, really you just skim it for the basics).
They recommend one parent taking the lead on it, and you have to shadow your child non-stop to catch them mid-pee and get them to the potty. So really you do have to barricade yourself in the house for the weekend and clear your schedule.
My first two trained at exactly 3 1/2. With my first I tried to train him and failed miserably. I was so frustrated and overwhelmed and finally just threw up my hands. He decided himself maybe 3 weeks after I laid off that he was ready. And that was it. He asked for underpants one day and we never looked back.
So for my second I just let her lead us - we'd talk about the potty but i certainly did not try to force it like with her brother. She also needed to be trained for school and she totally wasn't. I bought those training underwear and put her in a pull up with those on top. She was only in school 3 hours a day and was able to stay dry most of the time.
My third was a couple months more than 3 1/2. He was also starting school. We went to Disney right before he started school and he literally decided in Disney he wanted to wear big boy underwear. He's had the most accidents since training but we are good now (as I knock on wood) at 5 1/2.
My daughter was "school trained" for about 1 1/2 years before she was fully potty trained. She knew enough to not have accidents at school and at times I think she just held it all day. I think she didn't want to have accidents in front of friends, but didn't care one but at home. In our case, she was just very stubborn and accidents didn't bother her at all. There were many times we would walk in the door from school and she immediately peed all over the floor.
This might not be super helpful, but it's how we managed to deal with the potty trained rule at school. Is there a chance if you just sent her to school she would know enough not to have accidents there?
DS didn't train until 3 1/2. We just really pushed the "babies don't get to watch tv" or "babies don't get cookies" and "big boys get to play with Lego" or "big boys get to go to the park" for a couple of weeks. One day I just decided I'd had enough, and we were about a month from school. I just got him some character underwear, let him go naked the first day, and put a bunch of towels down. I put a timer on, and I had him sit on the potty every 20 minutes until he went. We just kept extending the time. We would read potty books and watch the Daniel Tiger potty song on repeat. He had four or five accidents the first day, and within a few days, he was trained. It took a few tears (from each of us), but I had told him that he couldn't be a big boy and go to school until he was using the potty.
Post by Cricket0619 on Aug 30, 2017 14:22:54 GMT -5
Does she like parties? You could tell her that she can have a potty party when she goes on the potty and doesn't wear anymore diapers. Just have your family or close friends that get it and will make a big deal out of it. You could also try to bribe with Chuck E Cheese too.
Post by shinyredsmartazz on Aug 30, 2017 14:40:37 GMT -5
I legit cried the other day because my 3 year old is the exact same. He gives no shits at all about bribery. I mean, he will happily take the reward when he does go, but he barely takes the initiative and it is usually me making him go.
Post by sometimesrunner on Aug 30, 2017 14:55:07 GMT -5
You said your DD doesn't want to miss out on the party. What if whoever doesn't go with DD to help in the bathroom pretend to freeze while she's gone? Obvs the baby won't cooperate, but she may think it's funny and also alleviate some of the FOMO she's experiencing? Sorry you're running into this.
Post by katiescarlett on Aug 30, 2017 15:06:34 GMT -5
This is not helpful given your situation, but my newly 4 year old JUST pt in the last month. We call him honey badger because he doesn't give a fuck. He would sit in pee with no care. Didn't respond to bribes, rewards or punishment. When he was ready he started going on the potty about 2 weeks before his birthday. I hope you find a good resolution because it's such a challenge.
Post by AHappierHour on Aug 30, 2017 15:15:01 GMT -5
I had a friend that decorated her bathroom like a party, balloons, streamers, a sign that said potty party. All in her sons favorite character and every time he went he got to pick from the treasure chest. Small dollar section toys. It worked for him.
ETA: I was pretty frustrated because everyone was telling me that daycare trained their kid and my daycare was not helpful with this at all. There is also this assumption that black kids are potty trained earlier than other races and I felt like I was getting looks because DD was not potty trained.
I had a friend that decorated her bathroom like a party, balloons, streamers, a sign that said potty party. All in her sons favorite character and every time he went he got to pick from the treasure chest. Small dollar section toys. It worked for him.
So, playing off this...what if you just dedicated one bathroom to the her and this purpose for a while. Moved ALLLLL her stuff in there, or at least the stuff she likes and plays with (hide the rest), to help avoid the FOMO - because, if she’s in the bathroom all day, there’s her stuff and there’s nothing but air and opportunity? SaveSave