The saving grace is that this new baby does love me. LOL.
Eleanor was all about H the first 3 years or so...then she kind of flipped a switch and was all into me (and I'm a jerk and hate people being clingy with me 😐). Now we're sort of equal. Or she realizes now that she likes us better for different things (dad always reads to her, takes her to the library and takes her on little trips whereas I take her shopping and buy her treats and I'm more lenient on TV).
This makes me sound like a shitty parent. 😂
OMG. You are like #parentgoals
I'm all about the path of least resistance at this point.
Preface: This is likely bad advice (I have a 2.5yo boy and we're only really starting to introduce potty and it's daycare-led, so I don't have lived experience on this one)...
What if you sent her to school like she's potty trained. And if she starts having accidents, just blame it on transition and ask to give her time, have them help you out with the 'transition issue'? Maybe the new environment/change/peer pressure will flip a switch?
When I trained my almost 3 1/2 year old son over 2 years ago now, I downloaded an app that looked liked someone was calling to congratulate him on a successful trip to the potty. So the weekend we were going to potty train we made a big deal of running out of diapers and getting underwear. When he had a successful trip to the potty I'd go to this app and hit some button and it looked like we were receiving a FaceTime call, I'd give my son the phone and he'd answer it and a recording of a woman would pop up and she was overly enthusiastic about him going on the potty and how proud she was etc. and he loved it. Maybe your daughter would respond to something like something like that?
When I trained my almost 3 1/2 year old son over 2 years ago now, I downloaded an app that looked liked someone was calling to congratulate him on a successful trip to the potty. So the weekend we were going to potty train we made a big deal of running out of diapers and getting underwear. When he had a successful trip to the potty I'd go to this app and hit some button and it looked like we were receiving a FaceTime call, I'd give my son the phone and he'd answer it and a recording of a woman would pop up and she was overly enthusiastic about him going on the potty and how proud she was etc. and he loved it. Maybe your daughter would respond to something like something like that?
I like this idea a lot.
She is way into electronics.
Maybe watching the programs, doing the apps, and adding in fake FaceTimes like this will do the trick.
My two kids are 4 months apart, DD being a little older. She trained at age 3 with 3 day method very easily. My son who is 4 months younger was not having any of it. The 3-day method created a significant amount of anxiety for him and he screamed and sobbed uncontrollably by day 2. So we stopped. He didn't train until 3.5 - so 10 months after we had tried the 3 day.
He is an incredibly independent kid. I mean he was mad at the nurse at 3 hours old with no neck control for pushing his face toward my breast and refused to eat unless I could trick him into believing he was doing it himself. At age 2, he wouldn't let me stand in line with him for Santa and told me 'mommy I do it myself.' He also doesn't like any clothing that is restrictive and hates us bothering him with what he is supposed to do.
These personality traits were the underlying issue for us - he wanted to be in charge of the whole process. After he turned 3, we would ask him every couple of weeks if he was ready to try again and when he finally said yes, we took him to the store and told him to pick out what he needed to use the potty. He picked out a step stool, a comfy toilet seat (the toilet made him feel really uncomfortable for some reason), instead of underwear and comfy sports shorts instead, and some Rolos for rewards.
We had him set the timer, gave him all the apple juice he wanted, and rewarded him with 1 rolo for trying and 2 rolos for actually going. He refused to flush the toilet though - he doesn't like the sound (he doesn't...we bought a new quiet toilet and haven't any issues). It took about a month for him to stop having accidents, but he was proud of himself for potty training himself.
I personally think he was just ready later. The only thing we really did was take away the pull-ups and diapers completely when he said he was ready. It sounds like you've tried everything and she just isn't ready to, or maybe she doesn't want you pushing her to. Having your friend help might be a good solution. So frustrating I'm sure - remember that this isn't a reflection of your parenting skills.
My two kids are 4 months apart, DD being a little older. She trained at age 3 with 3 day method very easily. My son who is 4 months younger was not having any of it.
My two kids are 4 months apart, DD being a little older. She trained at age 3 with 3 day method very easily. My son who is 4 months younger was not having any of it.
lol I had the same thought, but then I remembered that adoption exists so I figured that was it.
BaliHai My son is biological to my husband and I, and my daughter was adopted. We get that reaction a lot.
My kids are 10 weeks apart through adoption also!
Re: potty training- we ended up giving DD a tablet and letting her watch it while she sat on the potty. It distracted her enough that she went (but it took an hour) and after that initial time it clicked and she was accident free.
My youngest is like this with everything. He had zero interest and was like 5 days from starting full time preschool where it was mandatory. I was in full out panic mode. I finally just threw him in underwear, sent extra clothes and let peer pressure work it's magic. For me the only rule to follow is don' t switch back and forth to diapers. We waited as long as possible and then.... Just go for it until they get it. Also his teachers had dealt with it for decades so they were WAY better at it than we were. They'd have the whole class applaud and give everyone a treat when he came out of the bathroom 😂 He's 6 and still has the occasional accident. He says he never wants to stop what he's doing to go potty. Every kid is different. My oldest was 2.5, I bought him cool underwear and he was like "oh, ok." That was it.
miso, the other day, S got pissed bc we left a play date. He waited until we were almost home to say "I don't like you. I don't want you to be my mommy. I'm going to give you away."
These things do not hurt my feelings. They fill me with rage.
So, I didn't say anything. He kept going "did you hear me mama? I don't like you. You aren't my mommy." I kept ignoring him. When we got home, I undid his buckle but didn't help him out of the car. I kept ignoring him until we got inside. I handed J to my H and said "S doesn't want me as a mommy anymore so I'm out." and turned to S and said "good luck without a mommy". And drove away. I listened to a podcast for 15 min while driving around the neighborhood. H called me so I could hear S screaming "MAMAAAAA COME BACCCKKK!" while banging on the front door in the background.
When I got home, I told S I came back bc I didn't think it was fair to J to not have an awesome mommy just bc he didn't want me.
My DS was 3.5. He didn't really respond to rewards, but he loved tv.
I plied him with apple juice and let him watch Jake and the Neverland Pirates all day. Only, I wouldn't start a new episode unless he peed on the potty.
I didn't have an iPad at the time, but if I did. I would probably put a timer on it, take it away and give it back after the potty. That would have worked for him.
miso, the other day, S got pissed bc we left a play date. He waited until we were almost home to say "I don't like you. I don't want you to be my mommy. I'm going to give you away."
These things do not hurt my feelings. They fill me with rage.
So, I didn't say anything. He kept going "did you hear me mama? I don't like you. You aren't my mommy." I kept ignoring him. When we got home, I undid his buckle but didn't help him out of the car. I kept ignoring him until we got inside. I handed J to my H and said "S doesn't want me as a mommy anymore so I'm out." and turned to S and said "good luck without a mommy". And drove away. I listened to a podcast for 15 min while driving around the neighborhood. H called me so I could hear S screaming "MAMAAAAA COME BACCCKKK!" while banging on the front door in the background.
When I got home, I told S I came back bc I didn't think it was fair to J to not have an awesome mommy just bc he didn't want me.
I'm a mean mom.
I feel like an ass because I legitimately LOL'd at S's panicked reaction.
Thanks. I bet other people are clutching their pearls, lol.
I really wanted to yell "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! DO YOU KNOW ALL THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU?!!!" but I figured this would be more effective. And vindictive. He has been a DELIGHT since then. It's been 3 weeks. He has called me "beautiful mommy" multiple times, lol.
Lol! You are awesome! I laughed through your story. I would probably do the same. (I've done tamer versions of this when DD is driving me nuts and she's only 2!) Damn kids don't appreciate how good they have it!
miso , the other day, S got pissed bc we left a play date. He waited until we were almost home to say "I don't like you. I don't want you to be my mommy. I'm going to give you away."
These things do not hurt my feelings. They fill me with rage.
So, I didn't say anything. He kept going "did you hear me mama? I don't like you. You aren't my mommy." I kept ignoring him. When we got home, I undid his buckle but didn't help him out of the car. I kept ignoring him until we got inside. I handed J to my H and said "S doesn't want me as a mommy anymore so I'm out." and turned to S and said "good luck without a mommy". And drove away. I listened to a podcast for 15 min while driving around the neighborhood. H called me so I could hear S screaming "MAMAAAAA COME BACCCKKK!" while banging on the front door in the background.
When I got home, I told S I came back bc I didn't think it was fair to J to not have an awesome mommy just bc he didn't want me.
@natariru, I would have been so damn smug listening to my kid flip out like that. You're damn right you're upset, you tiny asshole!
We are starting potty training today and this post is making me realize how underprepared I am. I need to go buy juice before DS1 gets up. And probably some kind of reward (though I think he'll respond to praise).
miso , the other day, S got pissed bc we left a play date. He waited until we were almost home to say "I don't like you. I don't want you to be my mommy. I'm going to give you away."
These things do not hurt my feelings. They fill me with rage.
So, I didn't say anything. He kept going "did you hear me mama? I don't like you. You aren't my mommy." I kept ignoring him. When we got home, I undid his buckle but didn't help him out of the car. I kept ignoring him until we got inside. I handed J to my H and said "S doesn't want me as a mommy anymore so I'm out." and turned to S and said "good luck without a mommy". And drove away. I listened to a podcast for 15 min while driving around the neighborhood. H called me so I could hear S screaming "MAMAAAAA COME BACCCKKK!" while banging on the front door in the background.
When I got home, I told S I came back bc I didn't think it was fair to J to not have an awesome mommy just bc he didn't want me.
BaliHai My son is biological to my husband and I, and my daughter was adopted. We get that reaction a lot.
Having to explain my sibling backstory is a thing in my life too. I was adopted, legally. But my biological dad is still my dad. My siblings and I don't share biological parents.
miso , the other day, S got pissed bc we left a play date. He waited until we were almost home to say "I don't like you. I don't want you to be my mommy. I'm going to give you away."
These things do not hurt my feelings. They fill me with rage.
So, I didn't say anything. He kept going "did you hear me mama? I don't like you. You aren't my mommy." I kept ignoring him. When we got home, I undid his buckle but didn't help him out of the car. I kept ignoring him until we got inside. I handed J to my H and said "S doesn't want me as a mommy anymore so I'm out." and turned to S and said "good luck without a mommy". And drove away. I listened to a podcast for 15 min while driving around the neighborhood. H called me so I could hear S screaming "MAMAAAAA COME BACCCKKK!" while banging on the front door in the background.
When I got home, I told S I came back bc I didn't think it was fair to J to not have an awesome mommy just bc he didn't want me.
I'm a mean mom.
That's amazing. I've been close to doing something similar with AJ but the "you're not my friend OR my mommy!" times happen either when we're out in public or when J is at work. Though on the times it's just the two of us at home, walking out the door and just standing outside for a second would probably do the trick...hmm.
That's amazing. I've been close to doing something similar with AJ but the "you're not my friend OR my mommy!" times happen either when we're out in public or when J is at work. Though on the times it's just the two of us at home, walking out the door and just standing outside for a second would probably do the trick...hmm.
What if you took him by the hand and walked around saying "Let's go find you a new mommy then. Who should we ask? That lady over there?"
My kid will need therapy, clearly.
I hadn't thought of that one...good idea. It's hard to think of this stuff in the moment because like you my feelings aren't hurt, I just feel rage.
miso , the other day, S got pissed bc we left a play date. He waited until we were almost home to say "I don't like you. I don't want you to be my mommy. I'm going to give you away."
These things do not hurt my feelings. They fill me with rage.
So, I didn't say anything. He kept going "did you hear me mama? I don't like you. You aren't my mommy." I kept ignoring him. When we got home, I undid his buckle but didn't help him out of the car. I kept ignoring him until we got inside. I handed J to my H and said "S doesn't want me as a mommy anymore so I'm out." and turned to S and said "good luck without a mommy". And drove away. I listened to a podcast for 15 min while driving around the neighborhood. H called me so I could hear S screaming "MAMAAAAA COME BACCCKKK!" while banging on the front door in the background.
When I got home, I told S I came back bc I didn't think it was fair to J to not have an awesome mommy just bc he didn't want me.
I'm a mean mom.
That's amazing. I've been close to doing something similar with AJ but the "you're not my friend OR my mommy!" times happen either when we're out in public or when J is at work. Though on the times it's just the two of us at home, walking out the door and just standing outside for a second would probably do the trick...hmm.
My mom legit walked out of stride rite when I was about 4 and throwing a fit. I said something about how I didn't love her and I didn't want a mommy anymore. So she left. (When she tells the story, she says she told the closest salesperson to 'watch this') and just left. Approximately half a millisecond later I was chasing her down the mall screaming how much I loved her. Lol
That's amazing. I've been close to doing something similar with AJ but the "you're not my friend OR my mommy!" times happen either when we're out in public or when J is at work. Though on the times it's just the two of us at home, walking out the door and just standing outside for a second would probably do the trick...hmm.
What if you took him by the hand and walked around saying "Let's go find you a new mommy then. Who should we ask? That lady over there?"
My kid will need therapy, clearly.
I love this. I am all about the psychological warfare with my kids. The key has been finding out what works on them. The oldest I shame the hell out of because he feels guilty and then acts right. The younger one is more of a cold hearted asshole so she needs other methods; I'm not sure she's ever felt guilt in her life.
I figure my two will need something to talk about in therapy anyway, because they have it so good otherwise. So really I'm just helping them out.
Also, related to kids preferring one parent over the other, Scarlett was a huge dick to MH for a long time. I think one of the turning points was him starting to act like he didn't give a shit. Because when he tried stuff like "it hurts Daddy's feelings when you say you love Mommy more," she responded with "Daddy, I don't like it when you try to make me feel bad for loving Mommy more."