Moo: Really Late to Potty-Train

[miso]

Thank you all for all the suggestions and commiseration!

As I said in my original post, the kid doesn't respond to bribes of any sort and has no qualms about hanging out in wet pants.

She also does not care that everybody else in her class and all her family friends and relatives can use the toilet.

She also thinks helping to clean puddles is fun. She is a fucking nut.

The three-day method did not work for us. Twice. I don't want to do that again.

There is no currency with her. There is no threat that works. She truly does not care.

There are a few things in here that I haven't done yet (like TV/iPad programs and the watch), which I will try.

Fingers crossed that the school will still let us in if she's not trained by next week.

Thanks again.

[miso]

Aug 31, 2017 9:38:46 GMT -5 foundmylazybum said:

I don't have a child, but I know a bit about motivation.

I think you could use her FOMO as leverage. Either as a reward or punishment.

If she doesn't use the potty on schedule, well, isn't it just sooo sad that daddy and baby brother are going here and we aren't!
Look what we are missing. Wanna try one more time?

Or, ohh..yeah, so it since you don't want to potty looks like we will have to put away the toys till you do. Sad face.

Or yay!!! You did so great going potty so now we can all keep playing!!


Idk. Just a thought.

Also. I thunk misotiny is great, we all learn things at different paces. She sounds like she's totally in the bell curve of normal human children learning to pee in a pot.

You are awesome and a great mom.

Your fam needs to back off. ::hugs:::

I love that you are such a misotiny fan! Hahahaha.

Despite this recent unruly behavior and staunch refusal to use the toilet, I do think my little precious is brilliant. Sometimes I think she is too smart for all of us.

I have very very very thick Mommy Goggles. 

[miso]

Aug 31, 2017 9:23:03 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

Aug 31, 2017 0:18:54 GMT -5 miso said:

But then she won't learn anything.

And that's the whole point of going to school, or else I'd just keep her at home with the nannies full-time.

Does she like school?  What if you threatened to pull her out of school if she doesn't potty train?  

Wow, that sounds so mean.  But you gotta do what you gotta do!  

If you think that's mean, you don't want to know how mean I've been to her.

Poor kid, man.

[lilafowler]

The word currency has lost all meaning to me.

[miso]

Aug 31, 2017 12:48:00 GMT -5 lilafowler said:

The word currency has lost all meaning to me.

Maybe I should start giving her quarters.

[dochas]

Aug 31, 2017 12:21:52 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Aug 31, 2017 0:18:54 GMT -5 miso said:

I wouldn't worry about that piece. A three year old preschool classroom isn't going to have much actual academic work. 

This is true. I did three year old preschool because he was just home with me and he didn't need to be potty trained to start and it was just a few hours 3 days a week. If she doesn't go to the preschool room at the start can she just join when she's potty trained?

Also - did you and your husband try to do the training together? I specifically did it when he wasn't around. It never would have worked if he was there agitating me even more than I already was. He was there for one of our poop showdowns and he tried to weasel in and let him off the hook and I just said "GET OUT". Just a suggestion for whatever you do try in the future - maybe it could be better for just one of you to be involved.

[whatever]

Aug 30, 2017 17:05:59 GMT -5 miso said:

Aug 30, 2017 16:23:51 GMT -5 andwhat said:

ETA: I was pretty frustrated because everyone was telling me that daycare trained their kid and my daycare was not helpful with this at all. There is also this assumption that black kids are potty trained earlier than other races and I felt like I was getting looks because DD was not potty trained. 

OMG, I can't tell you how humiliating this is for me in my family and in my husband's family.

We recently went to a relative's birthday party, and everybody was shaming us. All the other kids around her age (and younger) had been potty-trained since age two.

And then these people were all snide like, "Heh, heh, heh, I guess you're only book-smart and can't handle shit, eh?"

OMG, STFU. It took a lot of restraint for me not to spit in their faces.

Omg, I'm so sorry. I get the humiliation, my youngest gave no fucks about training until 2 months after she turned 4. I was starting to worry she wouldn't be able to start Pre school in the fall (this was in January). She would even hold it so much that every time I changed her pull up there was a mess. One day I was so frustrated I freaked out ugly crying and everything. Not one of my finer moments. I had cleaned her up for like the 4th time before 9:30 am and she asked for another pull up. I looked at her and said nope, I'm done. About 20 minutes later she ran to the bathroom and peed. She was in underwear in 2 days.

What added to it was that she has 2 older sisters and wants to be like them in every other way. Except wearing underwear, didn't care. I keep reminding myself this assertiveness will benefit her later in life.

[foundmylazybum]

Aug 31, 2017 12:47:10 GMT -5 miso said:

Aug 31, 2017 9:38:46 GMT -5 foundmylazybum said:

I don't have a child, but I know a bit about motivation.

I think you could use her FOMO as leverage. Either as a reward or punishment.

If she doesn't use the potty on schedule, well, isn't it just sooo sad that daddy and baby brother are going here and we aren't!
Look what we are missing. Wanna try one more time?

Or, ohh..yeah, so it since you don't want to potty looks like we will have to put away the toys till you do. Sad face.

Or yay!!! You did so great going potty so now we can all keep playing!!


Idk. Just a thought.

Also. I thunk misotiny is great, we all learn things at different paces. She sounds like she's totally in the bell curve of normal human children learning to pee in a pot.

You are awesome and a great mom.

Your fam needs to back off. ::hugs:::

I love that you are such a misotiny fan! Hahahaha.

Despite this recent unruly behavior and staunch refusal to use the toilet, I do think my little precious is brilliant. Sometimes I think she is too smart for all of us.

I have very very very thick Mommy Goggles. 

I am a fan of free spirited children! Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like you KNOW your child and embrace her, which is awesome to me. I love that.

Clearly, I don't know anything about getting a child to potty, but idk. Think about what you posted here: she's a free spirit, she's not "rewards" motivated, and she's not bothered by wetness, and she's smart.

How can you use those things?
Can you to get er done?

Also. I might be full of crap, and all it will take is an M/M statue or honking the car horn 🤔😉🙄

[isabel]

Aug 31, 2017 12:47:10 GMT -5 miso said:

Aug 31, 2017 9:38:46 GMT -5 foundmylazybum said:

I don't have a child, but I know a bit about motivation.

I think you could use her FOMO as leverage. Either as a reward or punishment.

If she doesn't use the potty on schedule, well, isn't it just sooo sad that daddy and baby brother are going here and we aren't!
Look what we are missing. Wanna try one more time?

Or, ohh..yeah, so it since you don't want to potty looks like we will have to put away the toys till you do. Sad face.

Or yay!!! You did so great going potty so now we can all keep playing!!


Idk. Just a thought.

Also. I thunk misotiny is great, we all learn things at different paces. She sounds like she's totally in the bell curve of normal human children learning to pee in a pot.

You are awesome and a great mom.

Your fam needs to back off. ::hugs:::

I love that you are such a misotiny fan! Hahahaha.

Despite this recent unruly behavior and staunch refusal to use the toilet, I do think my little precious is brilliant. Sometimes I think she is too smart for all of us.

I have very very very thick Mommy Goggles. 

I mean, she's smart enough to say, "screw you, I ain't doin' it" and know exactly what that means and why it pisses you off (pun not intended). So... she probably is pretty smart.

As much as it sucks, I think there are some kids out there who decide this kind of thing all on their own. She seems like one of those that will up and decide she's done with diapers and will use the toilet without incident from that point forward. I realize none of that is helpful.

[miso]

Aug 31, 2017 12:55:16 GMT -5 dochas said:

Aug 31, 2017 12:21:52 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

I wouldn't worry about that piece. A three year old preschool classroom isn't going to have much actual academic work. 

This is true. I did three year old preschool because he was just home with me and he didn't need to be potty trained to start and it was just a few hours 3 days a week. If she doesn't go to the preschool room at the start can she just join when she's potty trained?

Also - did you and your husband try to do the training together? I specifically did it when he wasn't around. It never would have worked if he was there agitating me even more than I already was. He was there for one of our poop showdowns and he tried to weasel in and let him off the hook and I just said "GET OUT". Just a suggestion for whatever you do try in the future - maybe it could be better for just one of you to be involved.

Well, one piece of the puzzle that I didn't share previously is that my kid doesn't like me that much.

This sounds sad, but it's just the truth. She favors my husband greatly.

When I wasn't working, I did my darndest to get her potty-trained, and I was the only one at home at that time. Most weekends, we are out and about, so there was never any training on the weekends when he was around. (By the time he came home, she wasn't awake for all that long, and there weren't really accidents during those few hours before bath and bed.)  So, yes, it was just me.

But I'm the parent she actively dislikes, so it's entirely possible that she has just been playing mind games with me for the past seven months.

[miso]

Aug 31, 2017 12:57:41 GMT -5 foundmylazybum said:

I am a fan of free spirited children! Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like you KNOW your child and embrace her, which is awesome to me. I love that.

Clearly, I don't know anything about getting a child to potty, but idk. Think about what you posted here: she's a free spirit, she's not "rewards" motivated, and she's not bothered by wetness, and she's smart.

How can you use those things?
Can you to get er done?

Also. I might be full of crap, and all it will take is an M/M statue or honking the car horn 🤔😉🙄

Haha. Well, she is certainly not prone to peer pressure, so maybe this will be to our advantage later when everybody else is drinking and doing drugs.

Yes, that's right. She will resist.

LOL FOREVER!

*sigh*

My friend recently joked that I can ship her off to Harvard in Depends.

[dochas]

Aug 31, 2017 12:59:48 GMT -5 miso said:

Aug 31, 2017 12:55:16 GMT -5 dochas said:

This is true. I did three year old preschool because he was just home with me and he didn't need to be potty trained to start and it was just a few hours 3 days a week. If she doesn't go to the preschool room at the start can she just join when she's potty trained?

Also - did you and your husband try to do the training together? I specifically did it when he wasn't around. It never would have worked if he was there agitating me even more than I already was. He was there for one of our poop showdowns and he tried to weasel in and let him off the hook and I just said "GET OUT". Just a suggestion for whatever you do try in the future - maybe it could be better for just one of you to be involved.

Well, one piece of the puzzle that I didn't share previously is that my kid doesn't like me that much.

This sounds sad, but it's just the truth. She favors my husband greatly.

When I wasn't working, I did my darndest to get her potty-trained, and I was the only one at home at that time. Most weekends, we are out and about, so there was never any training on the weekends when he was around. (By the time he came home, she wasn't awake for all that long, and there weren't really accidents during those few hours before bath and bed.)  So, yes, it was just me.

But I'm the parent she actively dislikes, so it's entirely possible that she has just been playing mind games with me for the past seven months.

Kids really can suck! Reverse psychology? Let him do it so she can stick it to you by doing it for him but you're really sticking it to her because that's what you wanted anyway? Maybe making you feel bad is her currency?

And I'm sure she will (mostly) grow out of it. At 3 and 4 my husband was like the handyman or something in my son's eyes.

[whatever]

Yes reverse psychology! Tell her you want her in diapers forever. That you loooove diapers. Diapers diapers diapers.

[bronxgirl]

I don't have any advice, but I want to give you big, big hugs. As isolating and frustrating as this may feel, you're not alone and things will get better. Sometimes the hardest part is not knowing when that will happen. As an outsider looking in I can objectively tell you that you absolutely are a good mom (hell, you're a great mom)and please be kind to yourself.

[bronxgirl]

Aug 31, 2017 13:04:25 GMT -5 miso said:

Aug 31, 2017 12:57:41 GMT -5 foundmylazybum said:

I am a fan of free spirited children! Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like you KNOW your child and embrace her, which is awesome to me. I love that.

Clearly, I don't know anything about getting a child to potty, but idk. Think about what you posted here: she's a free spirit, she's not "rewards" motivated, and she's not bothered by wetness, and she's smart.

How can you use those things?
Can you to get er done?

Also. I might be full of crap, and all it will take is an M/M statue or honking the car horn 🤔😉🙄

Haha. Well, she is certainly not prone to peer pressure, so maybe this will be to our advantage later when everybody else is drinking and doing drugs.

Yes, that's right. She will resist.

LOL FOREVER!

*sigh*

My friend recently joked that I can ship her off to Harvard in Depends.

Then she'll have even more time to study b/c she won't be wasting time going to the bathroom.  :-)

[isabel]

Aug 31, 2017 13:05:31 GMT -5 dochas said:

Aug 31, 2017 12:59:48 GMT -5 miso said:

Well, one piece of the puzzle that I didn't share previously is that my kid doesn't like me that much.

This sounds sad, but it's just the truth. She favors my husband greatly.

When I wasn't working, I did my darndest to get her potty-trained, and I was the only one at home at that time. Most weekends, we are out and about, so there was never any training on the weekends when he was around. (By the time he came home, she wasn't awake for all that long, and there weren't really accidents during those few hours before bath and bed.)  So, yes, it was just me.

But I'm the parent she actively dislikes, so it's entirely possible that she has just been playing mind games with me for the past seven months.

Kids really can suck! Reverse psychology? Let him do it so she can stick it to you by doing it for him but you're really sticking it to her because that's what you wanted anyway? Maybe making you feel bad is her currency?

And I'm sure she will (mostly) grow out of it. At 3 and 4 my husband was like the handyman or something in my son's eyes.

lol, but also

[miso]

Aug 31, 2017 13:10:57 GMT -5 bronxgirl said:

I don't have any advice, but I want to give you big, big hugs. As isolating and frustrating as this may feel, you're not alone and things will get better. Sometimes the hardest part is not knowing when that will happen. As an outsider looking in I can objectively tell you that you absolutely are a good mom (hell, you're a great mom)and please be kind to yourself.

Oh, I know I'm a decent mom. I won't go as far as to say "good," but I know I'm definitely not bad. LOL.

I just want to stop having to tackle Urine Laundry Mountain every night and go hunting around the house for areas requiring Nature's Miracle spray.

[miso]

Aug 31, 2017 13:05:31 GMT -5 dochas said:

Aug 31, 2017 12:59:48 GMT -5 miso said:

Well, one piece of the puzzle that I didn't share previously is that my kid doesn't like me that much.

This sounds sad, but it's just the truth. She favors my husband greatly.

When I wasn't working, I did my darndest to get her potty-trained, and I was the only one at home at that time. Most weekends, we are out and about, so there was never any training on the weekends when he was around. (By the time he came home, she wasn't awake for all that long, and there weren't really accidents during those few hours before bath and bed.)  So, yes, it was just me.

But I'm the parent she actively dislikes, so it's entirely possible that she has just been playing mind games with me for the past seven months.

Kids really can suck! Reverse psychology? Let him do it so she can stick it to you by doing it for him but you're really sticking it to her because that's what you wanted anyway? Maybe making you feel bad is her currency?

And I'm sure she will (mostly) grow out of it. At 3 and 4 my husband was like the handyman or something in my son's eyes.

This is entirely possible.

The first words that came out of her mouth when I came home yesterday were "I don't like you, Mama!"

She's a peach.

But she's going to rue the day that she chose to be Team Daddy later.

My son and I are seriously going to kick their asses when we start to play board games.

[noodleoo]

Aug 31, 2017 12:59:48 GMT -5 miso said:

Aug 31, 2017 12:55:16 GMT -5 dochas said:

This is true. I did three year old preschool because he was just home with me and he didn't need to be potty trained to start and it was just a few hours 3 days a week. If she doesn't go to the preschool room at the start can she just join when she's potty trained?

Also - did you and your husband try to do the training together? I specifically did it when he wasn't around. It never would have worked if he was there agitating me even more than I already was. He was there for one of our poop showdowns and he tried to weasel in and let him off the hook and I just said "GET OUT". Just a suggestion for whatever you do try in the future - maybe it could be better for just one of you to be involved.

Well, one piece of the puzzle that I didn't share previously is that my kid doesn't like me that much.

This sounds sad, but it's just the truth. She favors my husband greatly.

When I wasn't working, I did my darndest to get her potty-trained, and I was the only one at home at that time. Most weekends, we are out and about, so there was never any training on the weekends when he was around. (By the time he came home, she wasn't awake for all that long, and there weren't really accidents during those few hours before bath and bed.)  So, yes, it was just me.

But I'm the parent she actively dislikes, so it's entirely possible that she has just been playing mind games with me for the past seven months.

Has your H tried potty training her?  What if he takes a day off and tries the 3 day method himself?  Maybe you and DS can go to a hotel or something.  You deserve a break and maybe the change will make a difference!

Did misotiny become a daddy's girl after DS was born?  My sister has 2 kids, older daughter and younger son.  She said her DD become a total daddy's girl after her DS was born.  Kids are older now (10 and 8), and it is still H/DD and her/DS.  They naturally pair off that way.  I wouldn't take it personally!  My DD is currently super mean to my H, but I bet it will flip if we have a second.

[miso]

Aug 31, 2017 13:20:12 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

Has your H tried potty training her?  What if he takes a day off and tries the 3 day method himself?  Maybe you and DS can go to a hotel or something.  You deserve a break and maybe the change will make a difference!

Did misotiny become a daddy's girl after DS was born?  My sister has 2 kids, older daughter and younger son.  She said her DD become a total daddy's girl after her DS was born.  Kids are older now (10 and 8), and it is still H/DD and her/DS.  They naturally pair off that way.  I wouldn't take it personally!  My DD is currently super mean to my H, but I bet it will flip if we have a second.

She's been Daddy's girl since birth, no joke.

The saving grace is that this new baby does love me. LOL.

[atexan]

Aug 31, 2017 13:15:57 GMT -5 miso said:

Aug 31, 2017 13:05:31 GMT -5 dochas said:

Kids really can suck! Reverse psychology? Let him do it so she can stick it to you by doing it for him but you're really sticking it to her because that's what you wanted anyway? Maybe making you feel bad is her currency?

And I'm sure she will (mostly) grow out of it. At 3 and 4 my husband was like the handyman or something in my son's eyes.

This is entirely possible.

The first words that came out of her mouth when I came home yesterday were "I don't like you, Mama!"

She's a peach.

But she's going to rue the day that she chose to be Team Daddy later.

My son and I are seriously going to kick their asses when we start to play board games.

My oldest has always been a daddy's boy.  This has been true since birth but it has only gotten worse as he has gotten older.  This is partly because he and I are both stubborn so we clash, and partly because Daddy is a giant sucker who buys him whatever he wants.  For now my little one thinks I hung the moon but that is because he is a fat baby and his food comes out of me, lol.

But yesterday he drew a picture of "me, mommy, and a heart for love."  No Daddy anywhere in the picture.  So there's hope! (He's 4.)

[miso]

This second guy doesn't even get food from me. He is on nasty Alimentum formula and smells like rancid potato chips all the time.

But he will see me from across the room and break out into the biggest smile.

I HAVE ONE ON MY SIDE.

[Leeham Rimes]

Can you hire out?

I read about these people when dealing with Wesley bc I kinda wanted to die. they charge a lot but I was so close to hiring someone to deal with Wes when I finally asserted my power over him.

I feel there has to be this option where you are.

I hated toilet training. Hate hate hate.

And my kids don't much like me either. dad is the fun dad, "lets go to ice cream or the park" I'm just the dumb lady that makes them do their homework, and read, and eat healthy food, and go to bed on time.

[miso]

Aug 31, 2017 13:32:18 GMT -5 Leeham Rimes said:

Can you hire out?

I read about these people when dealing with Wesley bc I kinda wanted to die. they charge a lot but I was so close to hiring someone to deal with Wes when I finally asserted my power over him.

I feel there has to be this option where you are.

I hated toilet training. Hate hate hate.

And my kids don't much like me either. dad is the fun dad, "lets go to ice cream or the park" I'm just the dumb lady that makes them do their homework, and read, and eat healthy food, and go to bed on time.

Mmmmmmaybe. A friend of mine has actually offered to come over to train. She is currently funemployed and is a very very effective mother from all that I've seen.

Perhaps I should take her up on it.

I think the nanny is having a tough time because she is devoting a lot of attention to the baby these days.

I come home too late now to be of much use. My goal was to have trained her before I returned to work, but I failed. Boo.

[hopecounts]

miso let your friend try.
If misotiny is fighting you she may well cooperate for someone else.

[miso]

Aug 31, 2017 13:47:45 GMT -5 aeg511 said:

My mom used to say how awesome it was that my brother was P/T before 2 because my grandma took him for a week!

I second the outsourcing.

Also, reverse psychology. That's how I get my kids to eat broccoli. I make a voice for them (the broccoli) and say "please don't eat me! No no please!" And then my kids think it's hilarious to eat it. So, they're getting vegetables and possibly turning into little psychopaths?

Just to give you an idea of what a...different kind of child misotiny is -- she LOVES green vegetables.

And she will often take a bite of a cookie or cake or other treat and say, "Mama, this is too sweet," and she will stop eating it.

She is a fucking weirdo, I tell you. FUCKING WEIRDO.

[noodleskooze]

Aug 31, 2017 13:29:35 GMT -5 miso said:

This second guy doesn't even get food from me. He is on nasty Alimentum formula and smells like rancid potato chips all the time.

But he will see me from across the room and break out into the biggest smile.

I HAVE ONE ON MY SIDE.

Well you're doing better than I am then Two daddy's boys. I'm alone forever.

[lilafowler]

Aug 31, 2017 13:23:25 GMT -5 miso said:

Aug 31, 2017 13:20:12 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

Has your H tried potty training her?  What if he takes a day off and tries the 3 day method himself?  Maybe you and DS can go to a hotel or something.  You deserve a break and maybe the change will make a difference!

Did misotiny become a daddy's girl after DS was born?  My sister has 2 kids, older daughter and younger son.  She said her DD become a total daddy's girl after her DS was born.  Kids are older now (10 and 8), and it is still H/DD and her/DS.  They naturally pair off that way.  I wouldn't take it personally!  My DD is currently super mean to my H, but I bet it will flip if we have a second.

She's been Daddy's girl since birth, no joke.

The saving grace is that this new baby does love me. LOL.

Eleanor was all about H the first 3 years or so...then she kind of flipped a switch and was all into me (and I'm a jerk and hate people being clingy with me 😐). Now we're sort of equal. Or she realizes now that she likes us better for different things (dad always reads to her, takes her to the library and takes her on little trips whereas I take her shopping and buy her treats and I'm more lenient on TV).


This makes me sound like a shitty parent. 😂

[sookie]

Aug 31, 2017 12:52:35 GMT -5 miso said:

Aug 31, 2017 12:48:00 GMT -5 lilafowler said:

The word currency has lost all meaning to me.

Maybe I should start giving her quarters.

We actually did do this in place of candy for potty training. DD's favorite are pennies so she got five pennies for peeing and ten pennies for pooping. She's obsessed with putting money in her piggy bank.

[dochas]

Aug 31, 2017 13:15:57 GMT -5 miso said:

Aug 31, 2017 13:05:31 GMT -5 dochas said:

Kids really can suck! Reverse psychology? Let him do it so she can stick it to you by doing it for him but you're really sticking it to her because that's what you wanted anyway? Maybe making you feel bad is her currency?

And I'm sure she will (mostly) grow out of it. At 3 and 4 my husband was like the handyman or something in my son's eyes.

This is entirely possible.

The first words that came out of her mouth when I came home yesterday were "I don't like you, Mama!"

She's a peach.

But she's going to rue the day that she chose to be Team Daddy later.

My son and I are seriously going to kick their asses when we start to play board games.

This is great! I can just imagine you two high fiving while they sit with their arms crossed seething.  But for now it's awful to come home to that. I know it bothered my husband at first but as they started doing things together and my son got less mean about it he's been able to find humor in it. I hope your son adores you so you can lord that over them too. LOL