DD made to show panties in class need advice on empowering

[ginger]

Oh man. I'm so sorry.

I wish I had advice.

[dropitlikeitshott]

I would burn it to the ground with the school. I would want to know why all three teachers were talking long enough without supervising for this to happen. I would also want to know what the school is doing for something like this to not happen again.

Mine are younger, but I would praise her for getting an adult and speaking out. I would also tell her that she didnt do anything wrong. I honestly would also tell her that she has my permission to do whatever she can yo protect herself( scream, kick other child ect)

I am do mad for you and I'm so sorry that the school waited so long to call.

[bittybomb]

Jesus, I’d be fucking fuming and heartbroken.

I would emphasize that she did the right thing by going for help and that nothing she did brought this on. I would also reinforce that NO ONE ever has the right to ask her to do this sort of thing.

I’d like to know what exactly the school’s reaction to this is and what the plan is going forward. Because nothing would infuriate me more than them being all tra la la about the whole thing.

I’m so sorry.

[W.T.Faulkner]

This age group isn’t the demographic I work with, but ages three to six in the same classroom seems far too wide a spread. Jesus.

You’re doing a good job of supporting her. She knew to go to the teachers, which is great. I’d reinforce her right to say NO and to do what she needs to do to get away from situations like those.

The school can’t share with you the details of how they’ll handle this with the boy.

Is it possible to switch rooms?

[bella427]

Something very similar happened to my DD when she was four. I burned it down with the preschool and I'm glad I did so. I wanted to tell you that I was so worried that incident would scar DD for life and thankfully I don't think she even remembers it (she's 10). Hugs to you and hopefully your DD will also not be impacted at all longterm.

[sapphireblue]

Oh wow I am so sorry and I would be so upset.

I think what people have said already seems spot on for advice.

I would be pretty fucking pissed after that conversation you had with the director. How dare they trivialize it???

I am not surprised the main teacher wouldn't even make eye contact with your H. For all three of them to be so absorbed in something that none of them noticed this happening is bullshit. Very irresponsible.

[W.T.Faulkner]

She called your H “very dramatic?”

This bitch sounds dumb. Finish her.

[cabbagecabbage]

That is the director of a Montessori school dismissing your kids body autonomy and sensitivite emotions?! Well fuck that.

[dreamcrisp1]

I don’t have children but omg I would burn it down. They’re making this seem like it’s not a big deal and that’s not ok. Her being all nonchalant about your feelings is not acceptable. They should be treating this as it is: a big deal with parents who are rightfully pissed off.

[killercupcake]

No real advice. I’m sorry this happened to your daughter. This happened to me when I was about 7 at a neighbors house and I never told anyone.

Raze the joint. “Very dramatic?” GFY bitch.

[bittybomb]

Apr 10, 2018 16:52:42 GMT -5 W.T.Faulkner said:

She called your H “very dramatic?”

This bitch sounds dumb. Finish her.

Holy shit, right?

Fuming.

[mrssandro]

I would burn that place down.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

[woodgnome]

Omg. I would be absolutely livid if this happened to my child & im not sure that I could send him back to the school. I'm so sorry.

[circa1978]

The just make it be over part is breaking my heart. The way the director responded is shocking, IMO, both in my experience in having a child in daycare/preschool/school and as the daughter of a mother who used to run a daycare center/preschool. I say pull her and have no regrets.

[lostrn]

I'm not sure what I would do. But I would be livid as well. Especially with the director's response about making it more dramatic. Excuse me?? I think an in person meeting would be more impactful than a phone call.

[barefootcontessa]

I am sorry this happened. The "make it be over" part is concerning. I would probably let things lie for a bit and then try to figure out that piece. I would stay calm and make it matter of fact -- more likely you will get information that way. Then just tell her she does not have to comply with what other children tell her to do. Young children wanting to see opposite privates is pretty common. We had a similar incident at that age, but it sounds like she felt coerced by an older child. I think moving the older child out is an appropriate step.

[namasteak]

That school should be bending over backwards to make things right since your daughter was assualted due to their negligence. Team burn it down!

[bittybomb]

If I could swing it childcare-wise I’d pull her at least for the rest of this week so my husband and I could figure out what we were comfortable with next.

Given their reaction, or really lack thereof, I think I’d pull her permanently. 😢

[FastHands]

Apr 10, 2018 17:11:17 GMT -5 @applejack01 said:

I am really having issues NOT pulling her because i pay these assholes 2k a month to keep her safe.

I don't blame you, at any price. The fact that it haooened at all is shitty and disheartening. Their handling of it is unacceptable. Is it a national chain by chance, or does Montessori have like an accreditation board (I know there's a range of "montessori" and what that actually means) you could escalate to?

You also don't owe her a freaking answer by any time. Is she suggesting she'd kick your kid out if tomorrow you said "we're weighing our options. We don't want to act hastily but have some real reservations about how things have been handled"??

[HRH Queen Dick I]

[foodiemom]

What exactly did the director say about the fact that THREE teachers all left kids unsupervised while they talked? I don't care if they were across the room - they OBVIOUSLY did not even have their eyes on the class for this to occur and them not to see it.

$2,000 a month so they talk and not have an eye on their class that this can happen and THEY DIDN'T EVEN SEE??

Nope, I may be overreacting but this doesn't seem like a safe environment.

[FastHands]

Apr 10, 2018 17:32:47 GMT -5 namasteak said:

That school should be bending over backwards to make things right since your daughter was assualted due to their negligence. Team burn it down!

No shit! We had a comparatively minor issue at our daycare (3 year olds and some hitting-with-objects, after some repeated unrelated issues) with our son and when H even HINTED to a floater teacher that we'd switch schools, *we* got a call from the director that evening that showed he understood our position and outlined how they handled the situation in the moment as well as how it was going to be avoided going forward. I feel like that is in the How To Run A School handbook FFS.

...dramatic.. Homegirl would LEARN what dramatic really looks like..

[bcv513]

Are they kidding me with their reaction? If this is a chain, I would call corporate. And your states education department. This is bullshit. I would absolutely blow up that phone tree. If I was another parent I would want to know how the director is reacting to this

[vmars]

Apr 10, 2018 17:42:27 GMT -5 FastHands said:

Apr 10, 2018 17:32:47 GMT -5 namasteak said:

That school should be bending over backwards to make things right since your daughter was assualted due to their negligence. Team burn it down!

No shit! We had a comparatively minor issue at our daycare (3 year olds and some hitting-with-objects, after some repeated unrelated issues) with our son and when H even HINTED to a floater teacher that we'd switch schools, *we* got a call from the director that evening that showed he understood our position and outlined how they handled the situation in the moment as well as how it was going to be avoided going forward. I feel like that is in the How To Run A School handbook FFS.

...dramatic.. Homegirl would LEARN what dramatic really looks like..

This! I have had issues with daycare, but the owner always handled it immediately and bent over backwards to make sure we were happy and comfortable. Their response to this incident is insulting. Do you have any other options?

[kkfeb04]

So the boy made a girl show her underwear and the school's reaction is to move him up to 1st grade?

Burn it the fuck down.

[readyin07]

Something similar happened in my friend’s preschool. Two little girls told the boy to pull his pants down and he did. He was the one who got in trouble and they were told to just not do that again

[namasteak]

Apr 10, 2018 17:58:15 GMT -5 kkfeb04 said:

So the boy made a girl show her underwear and the school's reaction is to move him up to 1st grade?

Burn it the fuck down.

And pull the underwear down.

[klee23]

A coworker had a similar situation with her kindergarten aged daughter being assaulted on the bus by an older child. She was very open about the situation because of how mad she was at the school's reaction.

Coworker spoke to a counselor who recommended letting the daughter talk freely whenever she chose but to not ask directed questions like if she saw her abuser, did he talk to her, etc (so she did not feel interrogated). When she came home from school, they would ask if she had a good day and adjusted their conversation based on her response. Parents tried to keep things as "normal" as possible.

They decided to not press charges but the boy was removed from the school bus and ultimately transferred out of that school within a few weeks.

Has the school offered any options to allow your daughter to feel safe? Including moving the boy to the older room or expelling him?

[Aquatica]

I didn't want to read and not reply. I'm so sorry this happened to DD and the school is not taking this serious enough. My H suggested taking DD to a victim advocate and contacting a lawyer.

[DotAndBuzz]

That's awful. I'm so sorry she experienced that, and that the school seems to think this isn't a big deal.

My first call/email would be to the state licensing board, and corporate if they're a chain. Any chance you have any of this (in)action on the school's part in writing? Include that.

My second call would be to a new school. This is a private school, right? You said that there aren't any other options, but could you consider public for the last month or so? Then get her into a different private school, if that's what you still want, for next year? That they are downplaying this, and being defensive, instead of completely horrified, and doing everything in their power to address the situation, is a big red flag.

My third call would be to the director to let her know about calls 1 and 2.

I don't know that I'd put it on the phone tree blast, but I wouldn't be shy about sharing with other parents why you pulled your kid (if you decide to do that) essentially overnight.