I would say we are in a good spot. It is a lot more work to keep the romance. We also have times where we struggle to place priority on our realtionship as husband & wife & not just as parents. I am hoping both will come easier when our girls are older.
Maybe not having big feelings wasn't the right way to put it, because I do love my kids (and dog, lol) so much, and I give them hugs all the time. But I am kind of distant and lukewarm with everybody else irl. I enjoy having people in my life and miss them when they are gone. But as far as being passionate about people (not necessarily in a romantic way).. not so much. Does that make sense? And even with the kids, I certainly don't say things like "I feel like was born to be her mom!" And "I love with a love that is deeper than love!" in front of other people. Yikes.
H is definitely a more passionate person than me. He gets really into things and people. He doesn't talk about his feelings a lot, but when we do talk about our relationship, I definitely end up looking like the cold one. He's also much more likely to tell me that he loves me than the other way around. I don't really like saying I love you to people unless it's the kids. It feels forced.
This is me exactly. I've tried having bigger and more passionate feelings but I just can't and I don't care to. It makes me madden fly uncomfortable. Ironically, Dylan made me a Valentine's card yesterday and he drew a heart for each of us in it. He and Mia are the little red hearts and E has a big red heart...mine is giant and black! Ha! Hold on, I'll post it.
Here you go tamb...
but look how big it is?! he knows you have the biggest heart ever!
We really have an amazing marriage. He's my best friend, equal, and a great father. He is so kind and considerate, I think our personalities are really well matched.
So well matched that you guys were matched in a high school matchy thing, right?? That was you? I love that story!
this pregnancy has been really rough for me. I still think things with us are amazing and it's proven to me how great he is but I struggle with how miserable I am, how bad everything hurts and how much I've asked him to do/pick up the slack.
I LOVE our date nights about twice a month, they both mean a lot to us. Sometimes we go for a real date and sometimes just to a small local place for dinner but it's so nice to be just us.
We are in a difficult spot right now. We were together for 10 years before we had W and did everything together. We really were best friends and had so much fun together. I don't think we've successfully transitioned into being a couple with a child and one on the way. My H goes out with friends 3 or 4 nights a week leaving me home alone which I can't stand, and he knows it but doesn't change his behavior. He always says how he wishes I could come. I think he fails to understand that our lives have changed now, and we have to be able to have fun in our house together with the occasional night out together. I'm not really sure where our relationship will go. I still think he's a great person; I just don't think he's a good husband right now. I'm hoping this issue will resolve itself, but I don't see the added stress of another child making it any better. We'll probably need to go to counseling at some point in time.
Were ok not good not bad. We definitely have our struggles mainly finacial decisions or long term decisions. I feel like dh is kind of lost in his career he doesn't really enjoy it as much anymore but does it just to get buy. One day he's talking about moving us to Northern California with the same company he works for the next day he's talking about joining the police force. We preplanned a years worth of dates and went on one last week so that's helping. I'm doing better personally since Brady's in school I really enjoy that break and working out has helped my mood but I think until he figures out what he really wants to do were just stuck in this middle place.
I guess I am the opposite of some if you bc I have a REALLY big feelings. Like about 3 months before we got married I cried tears of joy almost daily that I was getting to marry dh. When we were across country freshman year I wrote him sappy poetry and sobbed for him in a daily basis lol. Things are more even keeled now thank god but I still love dh with all my heart and he says he feels I am a part if him that he can't live without. But it's so hard to find time to be together now and I feel distanced from how we used to be particularly bc we used to cuddle while we watched tv and fell asleep but I feel dhs back problems have really come between us. He had to sit in an easy chair bc our couch hurts his back and we can't sit together and then falling asleep he has to lean against like 6 pillows around him for support and so we can't cuddle then. We really need to buy a couch he can sit in but it's so expensive! Also every Saturday we used to sleep in, then have sex and go out to brunch. I miss that so much!
@tambcat I am a huge emotions person and I have never felt " a love deeper than the deepest love " with sunshine, glitter hearts and rainbows shooting out of my mouth and eyeballs, either.
We really have an amazing marriage. He's my best friend, equal, and a great father. He is so kind and considerate, I think our personalities are really well matched.
So well matched that you guys were matched in a high school matchy thing, right?? That was you? I love that story!
That's right! We were matched as each others #1 matches in high school for a Valentine's Day quiz thing years before we even knew each other.
Post by totallyloco on Jan 30, 2015 12:31:03 GMT -5
As a whole, I'd say our marriage is amazing. Here's why... our 5 year anniversary is in April. In those five years, we've dealt with infertility, miscarriage, and now our inability to have a second child. We've had a baby, bought a house and moved from a fun city where we socialized constantly to a suburb where we knew no one. We dealt with DH being unemployed/having sporadic employment for two years. Three years ago my mother almost died during a major surgery, and now she lives with us (supposedly just temporarily but it's already been a year). And the biggest thing, we got through what I'm hoping ultimately will be the worst thing that ever happens in my life, my sister having a recurrence of breast cancer and passing away in 2013, and we're still dealing with the repurcussions of that on her husband and kids.
Seriously, we got through all of that without it having any sort of strain on our marriage. I've had moments where I felt like I was losing my mind and probably acted like it, but I never, ever doubted that he would be there for me unconditionally. We may not have sex as often as we should and most of our bonding time is spend curled up on the sofa together watching TV, but we've been to hell and back and got through it together.
And, now that I'm reading all of that, I'm thinking damn... you guys don't even know me and probably think I'm full of shit. LOL I wish I was!
We are in a good place right now. We have made it through 10 months with 3 under 3, and it's amazing to me how well we've dealt with it. We could use more time together, but we are still close and I think that will happen more as the kids get older.
I am incredulous of people who post that shit on facebook. like really? I DO love the kids. But I'm not like "oh angels sang upon me the day he was born! A million suns couldn't shine the light that is in my heart when I gaze upon her precious face! I was nothing before them now I am everything!" I don't know. Maybe I am cold and unfeeling lol
I should stop talking about this. In the course of this thread, I've gone from feeling like my marriage is pretty good to feeling like it's teetering on the edge of ruin. lol
And I've gone the opposite! Maybe not ruin I was feeling sad about it but reading responses like yours makes me realize that what H and I have is normal and works for us!!!
I feel weird about public emotions. I also hate to cry in front of anyone except my husband. It makes me uncomfortable when other people cry/get emotional. I never know what to say. I also don't particularly like hugging people or being touched. Like casual touches. MIL will just rest her hand on my leg and pat it when talking and I really want to recoil/run away screaming. I'm beginning to sound weird haha
Right now, a mix between options 4 & 5, but 5 is due to how chaotic our lives are right now. My h isn't good at communication so we struggle with that, but he is aware of it and wants to communicate better.
I can't vote, but I chose number one. We have a really wonderful marriage and I can confidently say that he is the person that I should be with. Of course we bicker from time to time, but we spend way more time laughing with each other and lifting each other up. We have been through a lot of shit in 5 years and everything has drawn us closer together.
I feel weird about public emotions. I also hate to cry in front of anyone except my husband. It makes me uncomfortable when other people cry/get emotional. I never know what to say. I also don't particularly like hugging people or being touched. Like casual touches. MIL will just rest her hand on my leg and pat it when talking and I really want to recoil/run away screaming. I'm beginning to sound weird haha
Me too, except for good friends. I don't like when people I just met try to hug me. I just stiffen up
I LOVE this forum. It's like no matter how weird or crazy my thoughts and feelings are, others feel the same. It's so good for my mental health to have this place.
To be totally honest, if I held out for the fairy tale kind of love, u would still be single today.
Even the guy who gave me butterflies in my stomach for years still had huge asshole bits to his personality and I knew I would neve be in a happy marriage with him.
I feel weird about public emotions. I also hate to cry in front of anyone except my husband. It makes me uncomfortable when other people cry/get emotional. I never know what to say. I also don't particularly like hugging people or being touched. Like casual touches. MIL will just rest her hand on my leg and pat it when talking and I really want to recoil/run away screaming. I'm beginning to sound weird haha
I don't think it's weird. Apart from my kids, I don't like being touched. I do hug all probies though.
yes I don't mind being touched by my kids at all! I mean, except for the bad nights when William is welded to my body for the whole night. lol
but in general, I love hugs and snuggles from my kids. But other people.. I'm like.. can we give up on this whole "Hugging goodbye" tradition? It just... it's not for me.
I feel like we're a combo of all the options! Haha
Some days were are coexisting, other days we are laughing/playing bffs, other days I want to lock him i the garage.
It's hard for me to classify it in one category, but I definitely feel like we need to re light the spark and we are just surviving still, making it through each day with the kids.
I feel weird about public emotions. I also hate to cry in front of anyone except my husband. It makes me uncomfortable when other people cry/get emotional. I never know what to say. I also don't particularly like hugging people or being touched. Like casual touches. MIL will just rest her hand on my leg and pat it when talking and I really want to recoil/run away screaming. I'm beginning to sound weird haha
Me too, except for good friends. I don't like when people I just met try to hug me. I just stiffen up
Well, if we ever meet, I will hug you. Be prepared
I never used to be touchy or emotional but i am more so now.
And also like other people have said, pre-kids we were traveling all the time, living life however we saw fit at the moment, so that has been a major adjustment too. We are also financially strapped and that is another area that has caused us struggle in our marriage.
the most awkward is when you aren't sure if the person is a hugger. So you're sort of moving forward with your hand half out, what direction is this going to go in... will it be hug or handshake ...
sometimes I think I want to divorce my H but it's always over something silly. Like, he let the trash get TOO FULL. AGAIN! that's it. I can't live like this!