Post by gretchenindisguise on Jan 30, 2015 13:15:49 GMT -5
Ok - just read the follow-up that she believes school is optional. I wonder if we did a poll of 8th graders at her school how many have a similar outlook on school. I'm certain she's not the only one.
I would have been mortified to repeat a grade at that age. There is an obvious stigma on being held back the older you get.
Yes. She said that unless she suddenly became uber-fluent in English in the next 6 months, she would be OK with repeating. I told her this was not a decision we needed to make today and that we (me, her Dad and her) would talk to her counselors about it and wait until May to make a decision.
I absolutely get the mortification part. I think, though, that it would be less mortifying because she hasn't solidified a peer group yet and would be able to spend an extra year getting to know her classmates before they all move to HS.
Post by aliciaflorrick on Jan 30, 2015 13:16:45 GMT -5
I would wait for input from the school. They are the professionals that can truly gauge her progress and any additional support she may need. Perhaps they will suggest summer school or additional tutoring but I would trust that they want her to be successful on an academic and social level.
Well, language barriers and the overall belief that school is optional. Not sure if I'm stating that correctly but she struggles with understanding how important education is, that going to school really is something that every child does and that it's pretty much the law. She's always been able to go to school when she wanted to but had also had years in which she did not attend for weeks or months at a time.
She is in the school's ESL program but does not receive lessons or tutoring in Spanish. English only.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Jan 30, 2015 13:19:11 GMT -5
Jesus.
The only way I could get more pissed off about this would be if @damnation started posting stuff about how she was worried her SD had brought Ebola into the household.
Instead of contacting her teachers and basically getting the seed planted for holding her back try focusing on what she can do to succeed. It feels he you are setting her up for failure by focusing on this.
I don't think repeating a grade would even be helpful in the described circumstances. Do you think by September she will be speaking English at an eighth grade level?
OP, I'm afraid you remind me of those religious people who adopt older children from other countries, thereby "saving" them from the terrible lives they were living in orphanage and just expect that, because they are doing the Lord's work, everything will work out.
When things inevitably go to pot, the child is resentful, not all grateful for being benevolently "saved," has his or her own mind, desires, and feelings, etc, the parents flip out and wonder why this kid is being such an ingrate. They are convinced that the kid is the problem, not them.
Please don't do this. It's not fair to any of you. I know you're feeling attacked, but LISTEN TO PEOPLE. There is no shame in getting help, adn there is no shame in admitting you didn't know what you were getting yourself into. It's ok - your intentions are good, so get the help you need to actually succeed.
Seriously, this post is making me so angry I can barely see straight.
Me too. I'm practically sputtering over here.
Right? I am in RAGE mode over here that she is so quick to call the school to hold her back a grade. BUT CANT EFFIN BE BOTHERED TO CALL TO GET THE GIRL INTO SOME FAMILY THERAPY!! AHHHH!!!
I'm sorry if you feel like you're drowning. However, at some point, instead of flailing and panicking, you need to come up with a plan, and you need to execute that plan. For the sake of your sanity, your relationship with your SD, your son's sanity, your relationship with your husband, it is time to stop blaming SD for everything - consciously or subconsciously - and start calling counselors to HELP YOU all out of this whirlpool of change. Holding her back is not the answer. Punishing her for going to bed five minutes later than you wanted her to is not the answer. Being frustrated with her, picking at her clothes, calling her lazy - none of it is the answer. You are the adult, she is the child. Your posts smack of you being completely overwhelmed, which is 100% understandable, but it is time to do something about it. And if money is an issue, try to find a counselor that will work with you on a sliding scale. They are out there. You can do this.
I feel so much sympathy for the stepdaughter. Her world has been turned upside down in a new home, in a new country and working through a new family dynamic and someone who is supposed to be one of her strongest supporters and advocate for her is being so callous and insensitive. Just ONE of those variables would be rough for a child of that age, but you seem to be eliminating the chance for her to thrive by assuming failure at FOUR WEEKS IN.
Regardless of the fact that she just moved to a new country, into a new family and is an English Language Learner student…the vast majority of research shows that holding a student back has essentially no academic benefits for struggling students and many social detriments. So even outside of the context of your SD my answer would be no.
When you add in the complexities of her specific situation I would suggest not holding her back even more so.
If I read between the lines and infer what your issue is, it is that she either/and/or comes from a culture where consistent attendance at school is not an expectation or she herself doesn't think attending school is that important. Holding her back as a form of punishment for having this/these belief structures isn't going to teach her that school is important, it is going to punish her for something that isn't really her fault.
Ok, I have a somewhat potentially sympathetic question.
Are funds tight for your family right now?
Is that why you guys haven't sought therapy or other similar help?
Funds are very tight. We are in month 3 living on one salary that is paltry. I am working with a bilingual counselor to begin family therapy after insurance coverage has been verified. I honestly don't mean to be non-responsive in this thread but I'm between laughing and crying at the responses. I'm not sure how to respond.
Ok, I have a somewhat potentially sympathetic question.
Are funds tight for your family right now?
Is that why you guys haven't sought therapy or other similar help?
Funds are very tight. We are in month 3 living on one salary that is paltry. I am working with a bilingual counselor to begin family therapy after insurance coverage has been verified. I honestly don't mean to be non-responsive in this thread but I'm between laughing and crying at the responses. I'm not sure how to respond.
What on earth is laughable about any of the responses?