Post by bohemianmango on Jan 30, 2015 20:05:15 GMT -5
Based on past posts, it hasn't been an easy transition for anyone in your family. You've made it seem like you and your SD haven't fully accepted the situation or each other.
I'd ask yourself what you would do for your son if he was in your SD's situation and help your husband do that for his daughter. Look for free or sliding scale services and resources to help if finances are tight. If it is mainly a language or communication issue, you might find resources within any local cultural organization. Make your husband do the footwork for that.
Holding her back might help her academically as far as catch-up goes but it won't solve (and it might worsen) any emotional or social issues she might be having. Keep in mind that these are not mutually exclusive also.
I am not being snarky, but what did you think would happen when your sd moved in with you all?
Honestly! What did you think would Happen? That everything would just work out? Please please get everyone consulting
Duh! She thought she had a teenaged girl moving in with her who would totes be all about the clothes and boys and hair and makeup and Justin Bieber and One Direction. Isn't that what any sane, rational person would think about a Spanish-speaking 14-year-old girl from South America who basically lived in a hut with her grandparents moving to America to live with what are essentially complete strangers?
She's met a few MLers, so I don't think she's a catfish.
Maybe a minnow.
This will absolutely not help my case here but I, sadly, have never met any MLers. I know of 1 poster here who lives in my town. Of whom I also have not met. I will not tag or mention her by name in case she does not care to be associated with me or this thread.
Hehe. I assume I'm the one you're talking about, although there are a few of us flitting about. We haven't met, but I could change that with a quick pop in before my class! You could hold up the day's newspaper for a pic!
ETA: I don't actually plan to do that. Nursing school has been hell on my stalking schedule...
Post by gretchenindisguise on Jan 31, 2015 1:27:01 GMT -5
So I still have some pp hormones going on, but I'm laying here imagining myself if your sd's shoes and it's making me want to cry.
I'm imagining myself going from sleeping in my grandparents bed to being sent to my own bedroom with some sterile cold sheets and being yelled at when I come out of the room. To go from that closeness and warmth to something so not. Gah.
Hindsight and all that jazz, but I think starting out with her spending a summer with you guys would have been much better. I cannot imagine how tough this is on her and I feel like you guys are placing unrealistic expectations on her.
This is dangerous territory. Retention is not an easy decision. It carries tremendous stigma, especially if it is done in the same school.
She probably would have benefited from being placed a grade behind to give her an academic and social buffer, but that ship has sailed.
When my mother took cutody of my nieces, she had the younger repeat 6th. The girls' mom was dying and the younger was too stressed to master much at school. Plus she had started kindie a year early and was transitioning to the GATE program at a more rigorously academic district where no one knew she was "repeating" but her. But it still came with significant baggage.
My mother was able to pull this off because the kid was the right age for 6th and because my mother is a middle school teacher who is fluent in "Ed-Speak" and flattering the blue ribbon district. In most places you will hit a wall around this. Retention can be considered a violation of her right to be educated in "least restrictive setting" which is interpreted to mean people her age.
If you feel strongly about it, you might be able to have her attend a private school; they're more willing as a rule to give parents what they want. Transitioning to private or parochial around middle school can be challenging, some schools won't consider transfers at this age unless they're coming from another private school.
Also, does the high school have better resources for ESL students? Middle schools might be less well equipped to deal with complete language learning.
This is not usually the case. In some districts, the ELL (English Language Learners- often English isn't a second language, it's a 3rd or more) teachers move between schools. I have a friend who teachers in my district, she's currently in two elementaries and a middle school. Other teachers straddle high school and middle.
It's shocking how little time some kids get- at least that's how she feels. She works 29 hours a week and has about 8 kids right now with various levels of need. She not only works on academics, but also on things like navigating the lunch line and American food as well as helping teachers communicate with the families at home.
Outcomes tend to be best in the younger grades. Prepubescent brains are hardwired to learn language, older kids not so much so it takes longer.
In my district, and I don't see how this can be legal, kids who are receiving ELL services won't be evaluated for an IEP (special education services) until they are reasonably proficient in English. Unfortunately, kids who may have a learning difference or ID may be the very kids who have a hard time mastering a new language. Under IDEA, IEPs are for child who have a disability that impacts them educationally.
We gained custody of my SS when he was 6-7. We considered having him held back a year in school, but ultimately decided to get him a reading tutor over the summer to help. The tutor made a big difference (plus we worked with him at home.)
SS had a major life change when he moved in with us, and your SD has an even bigger one - with all the cultural changes, lifestyle adjustments, language barriers, and losing her "only family" she has known.
In St Louis we have have a group that helps immigrants. Perhaps there is something similar in your area?
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby
Post by W.T.Faulkner on Jan 31, 2015 11:40:14 GMT -5
Damnation, it's pretty apparent that you've never interacted with a twelve year-old prior to your SD's move.
The expectations on this poor kiddo eight weeks after having her world turned upside down are astounding. I'm a grown-ass adult and wouldn't be able to do what this kid has had to do. And she's got you being weird and making it worse at every turn.
I moved school districts in 8th grade. I lived with my dad both before and after. The district was just one over and I still got to see my old friends on weekends if I wanted. It was devastating. I had a really hard time with the transition. And you know what my dad did? HE TOOK ME TO A THERAPIST.