Ok, I have a somewhat potentially sympathetic question.
Are funds tight for your family right now?
Is that why you guys haven't sought therapy or other similar help?
Funds are very tight. We are in month 3 living on one salary that is paltry. I am working with a bilingual counselor to begin family therapy after insurance coverage has been verified. I honestly don't mean to be non-responsive in this thread but I'm between laughing and crying at the responses. I'm not sure how to respond.
Well, responding and explaining that funds are tight would've been helpful several pages ago.
I hope things get better.
But you need to work on that in order to achieve that.
I remember going to St Maarten for the first time, where I was Spanish dominant and very limited English and French, I was hella scared for this immersion that happened pretty much immediately. School was like being thrown to the wolves,I couldn't communicate effectively, and I'd get honestly frustrated at the fact that I felt no one could get me, but my sister who was in the same boat. It took months for me to remember how to say "he's lying" (this boy would always say shit about me, and I wanted to remember how to say that - funny the things you remember. I remember saying - he says no truth).
I wanna say it took at least 2-4 months to get truly comfortable for absolute fluency, mostly because I had to immediately become proficient in both English and Dutch at school, and French when going to the French side. And learn the customs and cultural idiosyncrasies.
When I came back to PR for college (and mind you, I'm fully fluent in Spanish) my first class was Spanish lit. For the first semester, I'd zone out after 15 mins, they were all speaking a rather eloquent college level Spanish, and my Spanish was not par. The second class was calculus. I was thrilled, math is universal, so I should be able to follow, right? Yeah it took like a month to follow what the professor was saying, not because I couldn't hold a conversation, but because a complex topic, in another language, is frustrating. I mean, I'd learned what sulphur was, and what iron was in HS chemistry, and suddenly I had to remember that it's azufre and hierro - not challenging when you see it written in some board, but suddenly you're waiting for the word you've been using always, and then womp. And I was(am) fluent.
Coming to the US, most of my molbio was in English. I am pretty damn good explaining complex scientific principles. I'll be damned that I could not speak with the same fluency explaining the same god damned thing in Spanish, when speaking with Spanish speaking scientists, needless to say, there were a ton of English embedded.
Conclusion, it'll work out, but like everyone says, give her a chance. You're setting her up to fail with your attitude, believe in her just a smidge.
Listen, your world has changed because she's in it.
She's in a world that has entirely changed around her.
You are an adult.
She is a child.
You are a native English speaker.
She is not.
You have your loving husband and son beside you.
She no longer has the grandparents WITH WHOM SHE FORMERLY SHARED A BED NIGHTLY.
Yeah, this is rough on you; you deserve some sympathy.
This is WORLD ENDING for her; she deserves EVERY ONCE OF SYMPATHY, PATIENCE, AND UNDERSTANDING YOU HAVE. And while you might have a nicer home and "better" options and future and familial support here, making this change isn't her salvation and your demise. Stop thinking about it in such a polarizing way. Stop trying to "win" at familial integration.
Holding her back to repeat 8th grade WILL NOT will not won't will not solve these problems.
Post by stella1802 on Jan 30, 2015 14:07:08 GMT -5
My heart breaks for your SD. She is thrown in to a world she doesn't know, she is at an especially vulnerable age, expectations she can never meet. I bet she is so scared and angry. Poor girl. You are suppose to be her champion, the one that helps her, fights for her, loves her. Instead you just set her up for failure.
Are you learning or do you plan to learn any Spanish?
That would be one step in the welcoming direction.
I guess you missed the post last time where she said her and her H can barely communicate with each other because he doesn't speak English (after 9 years working here) and she doesn't speak Spanish.
Oh, and after YEARS of marriage and the other child they have together.
The list of "why nots" is rather impressive.
So...they communicate through...the language of love?
I haven't read all the posts but just at first glance based on your OP and what I know about your situation, this is a decision I would make after discussions with her counselor, core teachers, and the ESL specialist (or someone in a similar position who works with ESL students and is knowledgeable). This would GREATLY depend on her past academic career, any current academic concerns, progress with learning English, and, most importantly, the services available to her at her school vs. the high school if she will enter high school as a 9th grader. Sometimes high schools are able to offer more services than a middle school, it just depends.
Post by killercupcake on Jan 30, 2015 14:14:23 GMT -5
I wish I still knew Greek so I could type all my replies in a language you don't understand. It might give you the *smallest* understanding of what your SD is experiencing.
I wish I still knew Greek so I could type all my replies in a language you don't understand. It might give you the *smallest* understanding of what your SD is experiencing.
I wish I still knew Greek so I could type all my replies in a language you don't understand. It might give you the *smallest* understanding of what your SD is experiencing.
I wish I still knew Greek so I could type all my replies in a language you don't understand. It might give you the *smallest* understanding of what your SD is experiencing.
I wish I still knew Greek so I could type all my replies in a language you don't understand. It might give you the *smallest* understanding of what your SD is experiencing.
@damnation I've said this before. You should not be part of making these decisions. Put this on your H, and support him in what he decides.
You're right. Last time you said it, I took it to heart and have let him take the lead. It's a load off me. He, like me, is interested in looking into holding her back. I wouldn't make that decision "unilaterally" as PPs suggest. We both feel that repeating a grade and doing well (both academically and socially) is better than advancing a grade and struggling. Not saying it's right, but our reasoning really is coming from a place of good.
This idiot again. I was truly hoping she wouldn't come back, because her last thread made me truly angry.
Then I really recommend you just walk away now.
You're probably right. As much as I hate to be THAT person, I really think this is one of those things that we shouldn't even engage her on.
OP, just don't even tell us about your poor stepdaughter. You don't have a shred of common sense. Or you might just be a terribly mean person. Either way, there is nothing redeeming about any of these conversations. At least Evee gave us squirrel tits!
I wish I still knew Greek so I could type all my replies in a language you don't understand. It might give you the *smallest* understanding of what your SD is experiencing.
Look, I fully admit that being a stepmother has given me feelings I did not expect. And I'm not just talking about the good feelings. I will also admit that I like to be in control, and it is really, really, really hard to step back and have h be the sole decision maker when dss is with us.
BUT- I do my very best to handle those issues without them affecting dss. I know it's hard, and you're dealing with a lot more than I have to. But you absolutely have to step back here, let your h make these decisions, and have your role to dsd be a loving, supportive adult.
I really think you should spend your efforts looking for programs and assistance in helping her succeed for the next 4 months.
I really want to give you the benefit of the doubt but...there are 4-5 months left depending on your district. That's a lot of time for her to work on this to just ignore it and fast track her for failure.
I guess you missed the post last time where she said her and her H can barely communicate with each other because he doesn't speak English (after 9 years working here) and she doesn't speak Spanish.
Oh, and after YEARS of marriage and the other child they have together.
The list of "why nots" is rather impressive.
So...they communicate through...the language of love?
They use Google translate to have serious conversations, or at least that is what she said in the deleted post a few weeks ago.
@damnation I've said this before. You should not be part of making these decisions. Put this on your H, and support him in what he decides.
You're right. Last time you said it, I took it to heart and have let him take the lead. It's a load off me. He, like me, is interested in looking into holding her back. I wouldn't make that decision "unilaterally" as PPs suggest. We both feel that repeating a grade and doing well (both academically and socially) is better than advancing a grade and struggling. Not saying it's right, but our reasoning really is coming from a place of good.
I get this reasoning BUT. 1. Repeating a year is a pretty drastic step. 2. She is not struggling. She is doing as well as can be expected in this scenario. She will struggle less as she acclimatizes more to the country, culture and education format. You said she loves school, so she might actually catch up pretty fast. Don't you think repeating would be a an unnecessary complication in this scenario?