Dating show couple awkwardly argues over who should pay bill

[ttt]

That's an expensive meal for a first date.

Who did the inviting? Who picked the restaurant? I need to know this first.

[pixy0stix]

Oct 16, 2015 9:13:40 GMT -5 ttt said:

That's an expensive meal for a first date.

Who did the inviting? Who picked the restaurant? I need to know this first.

See, my question is, why didn't the show pick up the tab?

[ECB]

Oct 16, 2015 9:13:40 GMT -5 ttt said:

That's an expensive meal for a first date.

Who did the inviting? Who picked the restaurant? I need to know this first.

As this is a TV show, I'm wondering if they were set up.

So, to be honest, I guess if I going on a first date, I probably would expect the guy to pay. I know, I know - old fashioned and sexist. But I think I would expect it.

BUT I wouldn't assume it. If that makes sense. The way she handled it? I can see how that made him prickle and question what she was doing.

I'd probably offer to split it and if taken up on it, well, then I'd pay my share. But I'd offer kind of expecting to be turned down.

[ECB]

Oct 16, 2015 9:18:24 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Oct 16, 2015 9:13:40 GMT -5 ttt said:

That's an expensive meal for a first date.

Who did the inviting? Who picked the restaurant? I need to know this first.

See, my question is, why didn't the show pick up the tab?

Clearly this can lead to some drama, though.  maybe they get reimbursed afterwards??

[ttt]

Oct 16, 2015 9:16:43 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

Oct 16, 2015 9:13:40 GMT -5 ttt said:

That's an expensive meal for a first date.

Who did the inviting? Who picked the restaurant? I need to know this first.

I am anti-pay for dates but if dude had raised a hue and cry I would have paid half and then not been bothered with his ass again, because he is not for me. And yes, 136 GBP is like $8 million! 

This has always been my philosophy. I'll pay my half if asked but it will be the last date.

[pixy0stix]

I expect the man to pay purely because I want them to impress me. Not out of any expectation that they pay. If they can't put in the effort to try to impress me, then they're not worth it.

I say that as a woman who has been married ~11 years though.

[aurora]

I haven't been on a first date in 15 years, but I think I would expect to pay half for dinner. If it was coffee or something cheap like that then I would pay if I had asked or expect him to pay if he had asked.

[pixy0stix]

Oct 16, 2015 9:32:36 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

How do the feminists among us reconcile wanting him to pay for the meal with the benevolent chivalry stuffs?

Because I am letting him pay for the meal.  

[ttt]

Oct 16, 2015 9:32:36 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

How do the feminists among us reconcile wanting him to pay for the meal with the benevolent chivalry stuffs?

I have different rules for romantic relationships vs. professional settings, personally. But then I'm the kind of feminist who's OK with the chivalry stuff anyway. 

[sporky]

Oct 16, 2015 9:28:42 GMT -5 mockingbird said:

I always offered to pay. But if he took me up on it, there wouldn't be a second date. I want to see some effort. I want to be impressed.

This was me. I would offer, but his response needed to be, "Oh, no! I've got it," in order for there to be a second date. Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with this for a long time though. 

[tiramisu]

Sorry for just liking everyone's posts. You're capturing how I feel.

I'm a self-sufficient woman and I can take care of myself. This includes a budget. So if someone invites me somewhere I haven't chosen, it may be out of my budget. That's one of the things with dating.

Primarily I expect a man to pay when he's done the asking and planning, as well as to impress me. It doesn't have to be a $100/person restaurant, there just has to be an effort. Unless we have an initial coffee date to meet, then I might get my own coffee.

The only times I've offered to pay half are the times where I knew I wasn't into the guy and wouldn't want to go out again.

I don't bother trying to reconcile it with benevolent sexism because honestly, there are bigger feminist issues to me and I can't get upset about a man holding a door for me when there are men who rape women and society still treats the victims like the problem.

[aurora]

Oct 16, 2015 9:32:36 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

How do the feminists among us reconcile wanting him to pay for the meal with the benevolent chivalry stuffs?

This is exactly why I said I would pay half, personally.

For the coffee thing I regularly treat colleagues and friends to coffee or let them treat me, so that seems like more of a friend thing and less of a big deal than dinner. But I don't regularly do that for dinner (only on special occasions with friends).

I don't know if the $ value makes my position contradictory or not.

[iammalcolmx]

Shit, if you won't pay that tab you wont'/can't/aren't paying for my fancy lifestyle. I will pay and you will never see my Black ass again.

ETA: I  know my reply is shocking all of you.

[sushi]

Oct 16, 2015 9:32:36 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

How do the feminists among us reconcile wanting him to pay for the meal with the benevolent chivalry stuffs?

I always expect to pay and don't think less of him if he's ok with that or he wants to pay. But, if I go to a meal with friends we often pick up each other's tabs depending on who did the inviting. So, it's not gender based for me. Paying for another's meal is just something to show you value your compaion.

If he insisted either way, then I'd have an issue.

[laurenpetro]

Oct 16, 2015 9:32:36 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

How do the feminists among us reconcile wanting him to pay for the meal with the benevolent chivalry stuffs?

i think she's wrong.  i don't understand not offering to at least pay for your half.  i always expected to pay for my half of the date.  a few times it was picked up by the guy but more often than not we were both nearly broke and splitting it was the only way to go.

ETA: unless this guy was all "i've got a great surprise first date place to eat!" and didn't bother to take her finances into account.  then it's on him.  not for chivalry, just because he was inconsiderate.

[Deleted]

If only his mama taught him to be a gentleman.

[jojoandleo]

I have no issue paying half the bill. I have paid half on first dates. Especially on a set-up date. If the guy asks me out and takes me somewhere super expensive, I would ASSume he was paying because you should probably ask about budget before you go somewhere like that expecting others to pay. But, yeah.

I think both reacted poorly in this scenario. I wouldn't go out with him again due to his line of "What, are we not equal? We're equal when you want us to be. No?" Because fuck him. But she was also all "Of course I'm giving it to you. I never pay on dates, why would I?" You aren't all that!

[pixy0stix]

Oct 16, 2015 9:51:56 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

i am just wondering that the woman's end of the deal is if the man is supposed to pay in order to impress. what does a woman have to do?

Show up to the date. 

[iammalcolmx]

Oct 16, 2015 9:51:56 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

i am just wondering that the woman's end of the deal is if the man is supposed to pay in order to impress. what does a woman have to do?

Eat, drink, and be charming.

[laurenpetro]

Oct 16, 2015 9:51:56 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

i am just wondering that the woman's end of the deal is if the man is supposed to pay in order to impress. what does a woman have to do?

blowies? 

#playtoyourstrengths

[Aquatica]

It's been a long time since I've been dating (~11 years) but I paid my half on dates because I didn't want that unimplied expectation of "I paid for dinner so I deserve [insert reason]" or if the date insisted, next date I would pick up the tab.

This also comes from me not wanting to feel like I owe anyone anything.

[iammalcolmx]

My Grandma told me to always have "Mad Money" when going out. This was money for dinner and cab fare home just in-case I got "mad" on the date. I still carry mad money when I go out with H, and she did on dates with my Grandpa.

[btdt]

Oct 16, 2015 9:32:36 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

How do the feminists among us reconcile wanting him to pay for the meal with the benevolent chivalry stuffs?

Because if I do the asking, I expect to pay. Mind you, I'm a borderline oldz (turned 49 this week). Not sure that makes any difference.

[CallingAllAngels]

I wouldn't want to go to an expensive restaurant on a first date, especially if I was set up. I don't want to put in all that effort if I'm not sure he's worth it. If he asked and picked the restaurant, yep, he should pay. I would probably offer, but expect to be turned down.

I don't want to be with someone who would quibble over this. It seems rigid and cheap. I would never do what the woman did in this scenario, but he reacted poorly too.

[ttt]

Oct 16, 2015 9:47:25 GMT -5 iammalcolmx said:

Shit, if you won't pay that tab you wont'/can't/aren't paying for my fancy lifestyle. I will pay and you will never see my Black ass again.

ETA: I  know my reply is shocking all of you.

If he doesn't buy dinner, he can't afford your First Class tickets!

[sushi]

Oct 16, 2015 9:57:37 GMT -5 iammalcolmx said:

My Grandma told me to always have "Mad Money" when going out. This was money for dinner and cab fare home just in-case I got "mad" on the date. I still carry mad money when I go out with H, and she did on dates with my Grandpa.

My grandpa said the same exact thing.

[iammalcolmx]

Oct 16, 2015 9:59:27 GMT -5 ttt said:

Oct 16, 2015 9:47:25 GMT -5 iammalcolmx said:

Shit, if you won't pay that tab you wont'/can't/aren't paying for my fancy lifestyle. I will pay and you will never see my Black ass again.

ETA: I  know my reply is shocking all of you.

If he doesn't buy dinner, he can't afford your First  Business Class tickets!

You know everyone went to the Business Class model!! And I am too poor and cheap for those fancy First Class suites they have on the Middle Eastern Airlines.

[NitaX]

Oct 16, 2015 9:48:22 GMT -5 laurenpetro said:

Oct 16, 2015 9:32:36 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

How do the feminists among us reconcile wanting him to pay for the meal with the benevolent chivalry stuffs?

i think she's wrong.  i don't understand not offering to at least pay for your half.  i always expected to pay for my half of the date.  a few times it was picked up by the guy but more often than not we were both nearly broke and splitting it was the only way to go.

ETA: unless this guy was all "i've got a great surprise first date place to eat!" and didn't bother to take her finances into account.  then it's on him.  not for chivalry, just because he was inconsiderate.

Naw. If you ask me out - you pay for my dinner. Fin. Hell, I'm married and I don't pay for my own dinner. My H always pays for dinner out. Unless I'm the one who decided to treat.

Back when I was single and dating, I can only remember a handful of times that I paid for the meal. One time in particular, it was because my then bf was feeling really down about some things. I took him out for dinner at a nice restaurant. 

[iammalcolmx]

Oct 16, 2015 9:59:24 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

so, to the women in the expect a man to pay on a date camp, if YOU ask a man out on a date, do you expect to pay?

N/A

[NitaX]

Oct 16, 2015 9:51:56 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

i am just wondering that the woman's end of the deal is if the man is supposed to pay in order to impress. what does a woman have to do?

Look fabulous and allow you to bask in the glory of my presence.