I talked to my doctor about sterilization last year and she's willing to do it but also said an IUD is just as effective.
I'm 36 so if I got an IUD that lasts 7 years that would take me to 43.
I don't have children. I have a couple if friends (also without children) that had really bad experiences with IUD insertion. It concerns me that it's done without any pain medication.
I had a terrible experience with my IUD (bled basically non stop for the 6 months I had it in), so I would not have gotten another one if I hadn’t had a tubal. I think my experience was unusual though and IUDs are very effective for long term birth control. The fact that they aren’t permanent is what gives me pause because how long will we have before birth control is on the chopping block too?
Honestly, if you don’t want kids, given the current climate here, I would seriously consider a tubal because you don’t run the risk of birth control being outlawed and having to work around that. Once a tubal is done, it’s done. You never have to think about it again.
That's definitely something I've been thinking about but on the other hand, I also think by the time I would need to get the IUD out, it probably won't be likely I could get pregnant.
I was pretty sold on getting a tubal until my gyno told me IUDs are just as effective.
I talked to my doctor about sterilization last year and she's willing to do it but also said an IUD is just as effective.
I'm 36 so if I got an IUD that lasts 7 years that would take me to 43.
I don't have children. I have a couple if friends (also without children) that had really bad experiences with IUD insertion. It concerns me that it's done without any pain medication.
It’s totally a personal preference. Progesterone only iuds are currently effective for 7 years but ongoing research seems it’ll likely get pushed to 10 years. Copper iuds are effective for 12 years, but also likely longer.
I always use pain medication for IUD insertions if that is what the patient wants, so you should ask your doctor as there are a variety of options. Outside of oral medications I give a paracervical block with lidocaine. In addition, at another clinic I work at patients can get IV sedation if they would like. Definitely explore different options if you’d like based on your healthcare providers and healthcare coverage. There are plenty of us who give a wide variety of pain medication options for those who want it for procedures.
Post by letsgetweird on Jun 26, 2022 10:20:42 GMT -5
Any thoughts on IUDs vs sterilization?
I talked to my doctor about sterilization last year and she's willing to do it but also said an IUD is just as effective.
I'm 36 so if I got an IUD that lasts 7 years that would take me to 43.
I don't have children. I have a couple if friends (also without children) that had really bad experiences with IUD insertion. It concerns me that it's done without any pain medication.
There are well established practical support organizations- apiaryps.org/
They’ve been doing this work for years and have vetted processes.
I am not on Reddit but my understanding is that anyone can post on Reddit. We need safe and vetted options for people.
I have some concerns about the abundance of people offering "camping" in their state.
I'm sure people have good intentions but it feels very performative and like they have a savior complex. There's no way to verify the legitimacy and safety when it comes to just random people on the internet. Donate to the existing organizations that have already been doing this work.
Post by letsgetweird on Jun 21, 2022 16:42:50 GMT -5
I have a lot of memories popping up from 1 year ago on social media. Last year at this time, I was happy and carefree and had no clue my life would turned upside by my sister in law's death in July.
July 4 was the last time I saw her. I cannot comprehend how or why this happened.
Feel free to ignore the big, rambling brain dump ahead
I’m sitting here having a not so great night myself. My dad would always do things that would embarrass me and I’m feeling like the worst fucking human in the world for being embarrassed and caring more about what people would think. Like we used to live across from my high school and he would regularly go get the mail in his underwear (and sometimes a t-shirt). When I got a teaching job he wanted to come see my classroom. As this was my first adult job and obviously other teachers didn’t have their parents coming up, I told him no. He then sent me red roses during my first week teaching and all my students were like wtf when I told them that the roses were from my parents and not my husband. Then, about a year ago he picked me up from work because my car was in the shop. The entire front of my building is glass and as he waited for me to come out he gets out of his truck and lets their dog do his business in the grass. The little dog then starts to walk (quickly) away so my dad is kind of half chasing this dog, in front of all of my brand new coworkers and I just wanted to die.
I shouldn’t have cared about what other people thought. Other people probably didn’t even think anything. I feel so much guilt. So much fucking guilt. I don’t even know how to get rid of this and I’m worried I’ll live the rest of my life regretting how I treated my dad.
During these instances I made my annoyance known and then apologized profusely. He sent me flowers two more times, not red roses, and we joked about how he learned not to send his daughter red roses to her work. After the dog situation I called him bawling my eyes out apologizing and he told me not to ever worry about this again. But I can’t help it.
He was sick for 2 months before he died and I can’t even describe how much effort I put into him and his illness in those 2 months. I visited him nonstop. Cooked his favorite meals. Moved mountains to see specialists. Drove him out of state twice to meet different doctors. Spent nights sleeping at hospitals so he wouldn’t be alone just to go straight to work the next morning. I stayed with him the entire week before he passed, not sleeping a wink, just watching him breath. Cleaning him. Telling him how much I love him. Joking with him. I held his hand while he passed and I bathed and clothed him afterwards. And still, all I think about is how I should have been a better daughter. Because I know I should have been. He was so wonderful. So nice and friendly to everyone. I don’t know how to get over these thoughts.
There's probably not words I can say to help you release this guilt but I hope some day you can forgive yourself. We all have regrets when someone passes, none of us were perfect.
When my dad was sick and weak, he fell. I was the only person with him so I had to try to help him up. It was difficult and I was frustrated with him and showed it.
I felt regret that he would call me to talk while he driving (truck driver) and sometimes I wouldn't pick up because I didn't like talking on the phone.
I'm not a perfect person and neither was my dad. Like you, I was there for my dad through his illness. I know he knows he was loved by me.
It sounds like she may have a personality disorder. It does not sound like she will change, long-term. I think I’d just let things happen organically, not make huge efforts or anything.
My first thought reading this was "borderline personality disorder" but I may think way too many people have BPD because I have a family member with it
*not a doctor *not a mental health professional, just n internet dummy
Get rid of the GMC. Why can't you listen to podcasts in your Toyota?
I purchased an suv 6 months ago. My advice would be to email dealerships before visiting and ask for the "out the door" price of any vehicles you're interested in. If you just go into the dealership, they will waste your time and run you down.
The car is older than bluetooth I just got rid of a 2003 and there was not even an aux cord to plug into (not that it would have worked with my phone anyway, I think... maybe I could have ordered something special?).
I actually am less inclined to keep the really old car based on my recent experience with my 2003 Buick. It was a great car, until it wasn't. It too was a grandma hand me down. I think it just got old, honestly. We had some engine issues and a bunch of rust that quickly escalated into it becoming a junker. You might get years more out of the car, but I wouldn't necessarily count on it. However, I don't think you can count on the GMC lasting years either, so you may want to just plan to be able to handle buying 2 cars within the next few years, and then cross your fingers you won't have to!
I used to use an aux cord in my older car and if that won't work there are also Bluetooth transmitters
letsgetweird, I can't plug my phone into the Toyota, theres no aux port for that. I guess I could get one of those FM transmitter things but they did not work that well in previous experience in other cars. Thanks for the tip. We have only bought used cars in the past as well so I have no experience with this...
I had a 2011 Corolla and the Bluetooth transmitter I bought worked well
Post by letsgetweird on May 10, 2022 20:19:42 GMT -5
Get rid of the GMC. Why can't you listen to podcasts in your Toyota?
I purchased an suv 6 months ago. My advice would be to email dealerships before visiting and ask for the "out the door" price of any vehicles you're interested in. If you just go into the dealership, they will waste your time and run you down.
He does recognize his resentment and I appreciate that and the fact that he can verbalize it, as shitty as it is. I’ve asked him if he thinks it’s something he can get past, and he honestly said he didn’t know. For me, that is a deal breaker. I cannot live life like this and don’t want him to either.
I have a therapist but have lost touch since late last fall; I reached out today.
As a mother I would be focusing on the resentment he has for this child. Imagine growing up as a resentment? Fuck him. I would not care if he was having an affair or not. He'd be gone for the resentment alone@ Seems to me he may be using the child as an excuse.
I think the bigger issue is not feeling resentful of their 3rd child. She said he's cold and standoffish to 2 of their children. If they haven't already, the children will start to notice that their sibling is being treated differently.
This man is cold to 3 out of the 4 members of his family. OP, I know you said your life looks perfect on paper but that doesn't matter, he is not giving your family what you need.
Post by letsgetweird on May 2, 2022 12:40:02 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Overall it sounds like your marriage and family life isn't in the best place and perhaps hasn't been for awhile. I'm not sure I would jump to accusing him yet as there's no real evidence but you're clearly sensing that something doesn't feel right.
Also on other's comments on his resentment. I don't think it's fair to say he can't be resentful because he has sex. He wanted a vasectomy and the OP pushed back on that. I think it's fair to feel resentment although I'm not sure what the solution is. Although he does not seem like he was a great partner or parent prior to the third child considering he's cold to the closest people in his life.
I feel like an imposter mourning my Dad. My sister lived with him. He and my brother were business partners and best friends. I only live an hour and half away, but didn't see my Dad as much as I would have liked between work, kids, other life commitments, yadda yadda yadda. I've been having a hard time letting myself grieve because I feel guilty. How messed up is that?
I'm so sorry. I can relate. I've felt that way about SIL that passed in July. She had my brother, her parents, and her sisters. It's not like we were best friends....I've wondered if I was grieving too hard.
Let yourself feel whatever you need and be kind to yourself, don't just your feelings during this sad and emotional time. Your grief journey will be as unique as your relationship to your dad was.