Post by blueberry10 on Mar 22, 2016 9:44:40 GMT -5
Ugh, I'd be pissed too. If she's part of the wedding, she should be part of the reception.
And I know you can always get babysitter recs from her, but you never know if that will go well - I know if it was DS, he'd freak over being left with a random person he'd never met before and the whole situation would be a mess. We're facing a situation like that for a wedding this summer and I'm not sure what we're going to do.
I would text back, "Oh, were you planning to babysit during the reception? Because lol for days if you think I'm going to all the trouble to bring my child to your wedding to look cute during the ceremony and then have to miss out of the fun of the reception because she's not allowed to be there."
But I'm feeling pretty salty today, so you may want to ignore me.
I would just respond, "What do you expect me to do with Piper for the reception? Obviously I'm not leaving her with a stranger so what do you suggest?"
Post by bananapancakes on Mar 22, 2016 9:52:30 GMT -5
This happened to us too. BIL got married and L was the ring bearer but not welcome at the reception. Luckily the wedding was only an hour or so from my parent's city so my mom came and watched him in our hotel room. Is that an option?
Post by iheartbanjos on Mar 22, 2016 9:52:41 GMT -5
My DD was the FG in an out of state wedding with an adult only reception. We ended up bringing my parents, had them babysit, and put them up in a hotel. I had a 4 month old at the time too, so they had to keep her as well.
Once the bride's parents found out what we were doing, they insisted that my parents come to the ceremony and for dinner at the reception. So then, they got a babysitter while my parents had dinner (a few other guests used the sitters as well and they did pizza and a movie in a hotel room.) I had to sneak away to nurse, and I missed the father of the bride speech. He gave a shout out to DH and I for making it all work, and was bummed that we were tending to the baby and missed it, lol.
It was such a production. Anything for family, right?!
Can we talk about this "not leaving her with a stranger" thing? Isn't that what we all do when we find someone off care.com? I mean, sure, you met them and called a reference or two, but surely that doesn't make the person a well-known acquaintance? Or do we think only strangers can harm our kids?
I agree. And plus, at some point, our children will be taken care of by many "strangers" - the daycare person, their teachers, other parents when they go on playdates, etc.
I'd want good recommendations, of course! But if we needed a sitter in a city where friends/family lived, I'd ask if they could get some recommendations from people who have kids.
Years ago, when DS was young, I desperately needed a sitter for like 2 days. I forget the situation, but our nanny couldn't be there. On a neighborhood list serv, I put out the request. A woman replied that her cousin, who is great with kids, was moving to our state from Ohio a few days before I needed help and long story short - I talked to the cousin on the phone, she came by the day before so that we could meet, and then I entrusted her with my son.
She ended up becoming a fantastic sitter for us for a couple years!
My cousins wife did this for a destination wedding. But, she didn't tell their guests no kids allowed until the day before, so people were very WTF and I think most the spouses didn't go because what else were they going to do? Lock their kids in a hotel? And of course she wanted her niece as the flower girl but for the mythical nanny to whisk her away after the ceremony (she was 7 btw, not a tantrum throwing toddler). I believe my cousin told her SIL under no certain terms that if her daughter is IN the wedding, she will certainly be AT the whole wedding. Haha. My cousin (the mom) is still irritated about it years later.
Can we talk about this "not leaving her with a stranger" thing? Isn't that what we all do when we find someone off care.com? I mean, sure, you met them and called a reference or two, but surely that doesn't make the person a well-known acquaintance? Or do we think only strangers can harm our kids?
Basically, I'm not against the idea of finding a babysitter in the location.
I probably just wouldn't do it because step-sister is being such a pill, but I'm not against the idea on principal.
Disclaimer: let a "hotel babysitter" in Guatemala watch my kid for 5 bucks an hour. For all I know, she was a random woman from town they called in.
That's cool, but at least for me, i wouldn't feel comfortable doing that with my young toddler. It would just be additional stress on me, the parent. And especially under these circumstances when there is no good reason why Piper can't just go to the reception since she is in the actual ceremony.
Oh, and if you want ot say "no" to the flower girl request, you're free to do so! She can ask but you can say "As we don't even know what we're going to do w/ her during the reception, I can't commit to having her in the ceremony".
This is what I would do. It feels squicky to me to try to twist someone's arm into inviting my child somewhere he/she isn't wanted, but I certainly wouldn't be making crazy arrangements on my end to accommodate the flower girl request.
I realize the stranger thing is definitely one of my hang ups, absolutely. I am uncomfortable with a stranger watching my kid one on one. I chose a daycare that has a minimum of 3 teachers in the room, I wouldn't use a hotel babysitter in our room, and I don't use services like care.com.
Obviously I'm incredibly lucky in that I have plenty of willing sitters that I'm comfortable with.
I know that strangers are the least likely threat out there. I don't claim my feelings are rational. But I'm not going to do something that makes me uncomfortable if I don't have to.
This happened to us too. BIL got married and L was the ring bearer but not welcome at the reception. Luckily the wedding was only an hour or so from my parent's city so my mom came and watched him in our hotel room. Is that an option?
This has absolutely nothing to do at all with what is being discussed . . . but I love all the "1"s in your kids age today!!!!! So adorable!!!
I realize the stranger thing is definitely one of my hang ups, absolutely. i am uncomfortable with a stranger watching my kid one on one. I chose a daycare that has a minimum of 3 teachers in the room, I wouldn't use a hotel babysitter in our room, and I don't use services like care.com.
Obviously I'm incredibly lucky in that I have plenty of willing sitters that I'm comfortable with.
I know that strangers are least likely threat out there. I don't claim my feelings are rational. But I'm not going to something that makes me uncomfortable if I don't have to.
I'm with you here. Plus, there's no way my toddler would be ok staying with a stranger in a strange hotel room. She would freak out, and that would add way more stress to everything.
Can we talk about this "not leaving her with a stranger" thing? Isn't that what we all do when we find someone off care.com? I mean, sure, you met them and called a reference or two, but surely that doesn't make the person a well-known acquaintance? Or do we think only strangers can harm our kids?
Basically, I'm not against the idea of finding a babysitter in the location.
I probably just wouldn't do it because step-sister is being such a pill, but I'm not against the idea on principal.
Disclaimer: let a "hotel babysitter" in Guatemala watch my kid for 5 bucks an hour. For all I know, she was a random woman from town they called in.
I've never hired anyone off care.com. My babysitters all come from my daycare, who are people that see Piper on a daily basis. Technically, one could argue, that daycare were strangers at first but that was a necessary thing to you know - work.
So no, I'm not really comfortable with it. It does sound like they would bring someone into the B&B where the wedding is being held, so at least she's trying. Bah.
This happened to us too. BIL got married and L was the ring bearer but not welcome at the reception. Luckily the wedding was only an hour or so from my parent's city so my mom came and watched him in our hotel room. Is that an option?
This has absolutely nothing to do at all with what is being discussed . . . but I love all the "1"s in your kids age today!!!!! So adorable!!!
I'm on the app and can't see sigs. What does it say?
This happened to us too. BIL got married and L was the ring bearer but not welcome at the reception. Luckily the wedding was only an hour or so from my parent's city so my mom came and watched him in our hotel room. Is that an option?
We had a child free wedding except for DH's niece and nephew who handed out programs for us. So they were at the ceremony and reception.
If she's the flower girl she should be allowed at the reception. I mean, it's not like she's going to eat a bunch of food and run up a bar tab? Reality check step-sister.
this was us too... the invite to outside folks was kid-free, nut our nephews were the ring bearer's and both were invited to the reception. We only said no kids because once it reached 5 we had to psy for their nanny service
This happened to us too. BIL got married and L was the ring bearer but not welcome at the reception. Luckily the wedding was only an hour or so from my parent's city so my mom came and watched him in our hotel room. Is that an option?
All of my local family will be at the wedding.
I mean your H's family. For us it was H's brother getting married so my parents weren't invited and were able to watch L for us at the hotel.
This summer we have a wedding on my side so H's parents are going to watch L at the hotel.
I have no idea where your inlaws live in relation to the wedding so I have no idea if this will work. Just a thought.
Can we talk about this "not leaving her with a stranger" thing? Isn't that what we all do when we find someone off care.com?
We don't all do that. My kid has never been watched by a "stranger" - even her daycare is an in-home and I knew the family for YEARS prior to her starting. We have family that will babysit.
Leaving a baby or young toddler is MUCH different than leaving an older kid, or and older kid and baby sibling.
That's just it, plus when you are hiring a non family sitter or DCP, you usually do some vetting, meeting the person in advance, checking references. Sessalee isn't going to have that option in this case and even if she did, that is a ton of work for one night.
ALSO, I am feeling a little salty about this because my sister's wedding was no kids and my mom was throwing out all of these random ideas for who could watch DS and DD (who was only 8 weeks old at the time)--like I am just going to leave my children with anyone with a pulse, LOL-- and I ended up just having to leave them for two nights with my MIL to attend.
I realize the stranger thing is definitely one of my hang ups, absolutely. I am uncomfortable with a stranger watching my kid one on one. I chose a daycare that has a minimum of 3 teachers in the room, I wouldn't use a hotel babysitter in our room, and I don't use services like care.com.
Obviously I'm incredibly lucky in that I have plenty of willing sitters that I'm comfortable with.
I know that strangers are the least likely threat out there. I don't claim my feelings are rational. But I'm not going to do something that makes me uncomfortable if I don't have to.
And yet you balked at the idea in a different thread that I'm leaving my toddler at home with DH (not a stranger!!!) to fly to a family wedding in lieu of finding a sitter for him at our destination. Interesting!
Well, it's dumb that she wouldn't have your kids at the reception. My brother and his wife did no kids BUT my kids were in the wedding so they made an exception for them and his wife's nieces and nephews.
I would just text back, "SURE, we'd love daughter to be your flower girl but you will need to find a babysitter for her during the reception." Put it on her to figure that out. I'm guessing, though, that maybe she hasn't thought everything through. Maybe she could be swayed to let your kids come to the reception.
Personally, I wish my kids had not been at my brother and SIL's reception. It was a PITA and a half chasing them around all night in 3-inch heels. I didn't ever get to relax and enjoy the party.
I realize the stranger thing is definitely one of my hang ups, absolutely. I am uncomfortable with a stranger watching my kid one on one. I chose a daycare that has a minimum of 3 teachers in the room, I wouldn't use a hotel babysitter in our room, and I don't use services like care.com.
Obviously I'm incredibly lucky in that I have plenty of willing sitters that I'm comfortable with.
I know that strangers are the least likely threat out there. I don't claim my feelings are rational. But I'm not going to do something that makes me uncomfortable if I don't have to.
And yet you balked at the idea in a different thread that I'm leaving my toddler at home with DH (not a stranger!!!) to fly to a family wedding in lieu of finding a sitter for him at our destination. Interesting!
I said in my case we'd try to go as a family even if flying with the kid was inconvenient - which was what your question was. I think I might have even (maybe not) used the caveat that we don't see out of town family much. Neither of us said anything about who would watch your kids. I don't think child care was ever mentioned at all.
However, it is unsurprising that you took exception to something I said - it's pretty much your SOP these days.
Post by awkwardpenguin on Mar 22, 2016 10:48:18 GMT -5
I'm team @littlemoxie and a big outlier in this area. We went to a no-kids reception when DD was 3 months and planned to leave her with a sitter arranged through the hotel. (My mom ended up coming up, but that wasn't the original plan.) Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but it often feels like when this comes up there's judgement on those of us who are comfortable using sitters who we don't know well.
I'd still be pissed about the lack of planning and disorganization, but I personally would ask step-sister for help arranging a sitter and ask to meet them ahead of time (like the night before).
Technically, one could argue, that daycare were strangers at first but that was a necessary thing to you know - work.
I don't think this is fair, though. Disorganization aside, if your step sister wants a kid free wedding, she's allowed to have a kid free wedding. It's not on HER that YOU aren't comfortable using 'strangers' except for in a situation where you have to work.
That statement basically makes it sound like you're someone who expects that your child will ALWAYS be invited where ever you go and if not, you're going to be pissed. If that's your take, then so be it, but people are still allowed to have adult only events even if it doesn't line up w/ your comfort.