I have done similar travel (but twice a year for five years) and am curious where you’re going (just being nosy; don’t feel obliged to answer) but serious head tilt at a jumpsuit. Don’t wear that. Slip on shoes with socks elastic waisted pants, t-shirt, sweater. All slip in stuff, no belts and minimum buttons and zippers. (ETA but i know VillainV is a pro traveler so i trust her advice with this jumpsuit. But I still wouldn’t wear it!)
I think you said how old your kids but i don’t remember. I packed a few small new, no small parts toys to distract them. I even gift wrapped them knowing that would take extra time on the flight and make them more special. Books, too. And if they still make the electronic toy 20 Q I would bend the no battery rule And buy one of those, and maybe even one for each kid. They can play 20-questions with each other or just against the toy. Also Lots of favorite snacks. And Benedryl.
Don’t @ me but my top parent travel tip is to give your perfectly healthy kid Benedryl or Dramamine, but not until the plane leaves the gate. Nothing worse than having to deplane after the kid is out like light. Safe travels!
The first part of our trip is Dallas - Heathrow - Cardiff.
I am very lucky that my kids are amazing road trippers so I hope that translates to good on the plane. We drive Dallas - Estes Park with no issues as long as we do unlimited screen time.
No judgement on benedryl but the dose on the label doesn’t make my kids that sleepy. I was planning on melatonin though.
What do you like to wear when taking a long trip? It’s been far too long since I’ve done this! Next week I have 21 hours (door to door) of travel with my older kiddos (6yo & 8yo). Obviously I want to be comfy but I also want to avoid the pj look.
First leg is the 10hrs on the plane, then a 20 min train ride and finally a 3HR train ride.
1. I would not hold that party. No fucking way. My H never, ever would think to do something like this without first asking me and then hiring a cleaner and finding a place to make the food. He wouldn't because he would know that I'd leave him to do it all on his own and leave the house with my dog for a spa weekend. 2. Don't clean, don't go, don't go shopping. This is not your party. Either your H does it or he ropes in others to help. Fuck that shit.
BOUNDARIES PEOPLE. HOLD YOUR SO's TO BOUNDARIES.
Yep exactly. My partner has hosted people without getting my "permission" because that’s fine for us. But he absolutely did all the prep work/cleaning and shopping for food. I would literally laugh in his face if he expected me to do any of it.
Once my partner had people over during the day while I was at work ( a lot of his friends don’t work "9-5" jobs), so I told him I’d prob be tired when I got home. So I came home, was friendly and said hi, made myself a plate of the food he had prepped and then retreated to the bedroom for alone time. It’s ok to have boundaries!
Yes! DH and I have VERY different social time needs. He will always say hi at some point , often pop out to see if we need anything but mostly stays to himself.
@mae011 I would LOVE to send Ds1 to camp but he’s so anxious about it I grew up going for as long as my mom could afford to send me but I’m not sure he wants that same experience.
We are going to start with day camp this year and fingers crossed we can do overnight next year.
The big one right now is limiting screen time. He has given a variety of excuses but the common ones are not able to his very few chores & finding non screen time entertainment/stopping screen time.
I’ve made visual lists & posted them in multiple spots. We’ve tried quite a few different timers & ways of giving warnings. I just don’t know how hard I can push him because he struggles with emotional regulation so I get a big reaction to a lot of (in my mind) reasonable Requests.
My DS used to have very big aggressive reactions to reasonable requests in regards to screen time ending (hitting, kicking, throwing the remote/controller). Two things that has helped him immensely on screen time is setting a 'timer' of we'll be done after this episode/after this mission on the video game AND putting a reminder in for the following day that he wants to do x on the video game/watch x show. He can get really emotional about potentially forgetting things.
Maybe a social story would help? A re-inforcer/reward for giving a calmer response?
We’ve tried I even tried having an alarm set for the 5 min, 2 min and done mark with no luck. So then I got a visual red/yellow/green timer and that didn’t work. & the pomodoro method timer with no luck.
Wednesday night I went to dinner at a local restaurant and fell in love with a painting of a wheat field (I'm a Kansas girl). I emailed the restaurant that night and it turns out the artist is the restaurant owner's mom and she paints their wheat fields that are 30 minutes outside of my town. She was happy to sell it to me and I went and got it last night. Now I have a nice piece of local art to take with me to Louisiana.
That's so awesome! I love finding stuff like this.
Not quite as fun as this but I found Griffin Trading Company in Dallas recently and while they have an eclectic collection they have some good pieces by local artists too.
If you need new pieces to be cool enough & work appropriate I recently found a brand called ADAY. Woman owned & eco friendly light weight nice looking clothes.
My ND 10 yo uses ADHD as an excuse often. I don't have a lot of tolerance for it because, frankly, all four of us in the house have similar issues. I'm firm, but compassionate. I a lot of, "Your ADHD makes this more difficult for you than for some other kids, but we still have to do it." We do offer assistance/accommodations often.
We've done therapy and OT, which have been really helpful. She is starting to gain some skills to help her executive functioning deficits, which help build confidence and reduce anxiety. She is 2E also. Diagnosed ADHD with ASD traits, but not enough for diagnosis. Morning and bedtime routines are rough in our house. The only way for us to be successful without frustration is for a parent to be available for near constant prompting as needed. We allow for double the time it actually takes us to get ready.
Love the phrasing up top!
I need to look and see if who could help with executive function skills locally. I used to to tutor that in LA but he would listen better to someone else.
Crossing all crossables @emileinchile ! I’ve had 2 kiddos in the hospital and it’s so hard to see them that sick . Try to take a break for yourself so you can be there for your LO.
My ASD DS7 hasn’t had the opportunity to use his ND as an excuse….yet. He hasn’t been told and quite frankly, I don’t think he’d get it.
However, we did have struggles with screen time and came up with having him EARN time on his iPad. Whether it be chores, extra schoolwork, whatever. He now looks for ways to earn his time AND it’s very exact in that we make HIM use the iPad timer.
Not sure if this is helpful, but things changed for our day to day lives when it clicked for him that he hadvto work to get things he wanted.
I like the idea of earning screen time. They earn an allowance and don’t get it if they don’t do their chores so it would be easy to add this (I HOPE)!
My aunt (well really it’s DHs) is so sweet! She organized a D&D game with her adult children so DS1 (8) can play his first campaign. Poor kid is obsessed with it but I haven’t been able to find an age appropriate group for him to play with.
Filler & Botox appointment today & I’m hoping the swelling isn’t too bad. Definitely past due so I’m excited.
My DD1 is 12 and has ADHD and NVLD (which is very similar to, and often mistaken for, ASD). She is on medication for ADHD, so we've discussed that at length. She often uses it as an excuse for everything - why she can't do her school work, why she can scream at me, why she doesn't have to clean her room...
Because she uses it as an excuse so often, we opted not to tell her about the NVLD. She technically fell short of a diagnosis, but has strong tendencies. She's classified as "twice exceptional" - so gifted in some areas - but she was leaning heavily on her ADHD as an excuse for poor grades. But we pushed her, we didn't really give in to her excuses, and she got straight A's last term. She barely brought home any homework, and I was hearing from other parents that their kids were swamped. Talking to her teachers, they say that she's responsible, always prepared for class, seeks them out when she needs help... all the things that had been a real struggle for her.
We consistently tell her that we know that her brain may work differently than ours, her teachers, some of her friends... and that's ok. We tell her that she needs to be vocal about what she needs - if I'm helping her with math homework a certain way, and it doesn't make sense, she needs to tell me that it doesn't make sense and we will find another way. But I know her, and I know that she will 100% use her NVLD as an excuse as to why she doesn't have to do certain things. Eventually we will tell her, but now's not the time.
I had not heard of NVLD but it sounds like a possibility for DS1. Im going to talk to his OT about it soon.
He is also a 2E kiddo which makes it so hard to get services I’ve even tried looking at private schools but none work with 2E kids.
The big one right now is limiting screen time. He has given a variety of excuses but the common ones are not able to his very few chores & finding non screen time entertainment/stopping screen time.
I’ve made visual lists & posted them in multiple spots. We’ve tried quite a few different timers & ways of giving warnings. I just don’t know how hard I can push him because he struggles with emotional regulation so I get a big reaction to a lot of (in my mind) reasonable Requests.
My DS used to have very big aggressive reactions to reasonable requests in regards to screen time ending (hitting, kicking, throwing the remote/controller). Two things that has helped him immensely on screen time is setting a 'timer' of we'll be done after this episode/after this mission on the video game AND putting a reminder in for the following day that he wants to do x on the video game/watch x show. He can get really emotional about potentially forgetting things.
Maybe a social story would help? A re-inforcer/reward for giving a calmer response?
We have tried 4 different types of timers (including visual) but had not try rewarding calm responses. I’m slightly hesitant to do that because I feel like it would be unfair to his NT brothers but really it wouldn’t hurt to reinforce good responses with them too.
H and I error on the side of accommodations and patience. DS' autism diagnosis was only 10 months ago. We are still learning. Our DS(6) doesn't really know he has autism yet though we've had multiple conversations about it. H and I include him in the problem solving as much as possible and offer his support (figets, noise canceling headphones, sunglasses, hats, socks etc) basically at the drop of a hat. Due to his every changing/expanding challenges it seems pertinent.
You didn't give specific examples. If you feel comfortable doing that maybe I could weigh in or help problem solve? If you're interested in that.
The big one right now is limiting screen time. He has given a variety of excuses but the common ones are not able to his very few chores & finding non screen time entertainment/stopping screen time.
I’ve made visual lists & posted them in multiple spots. We’ve tried quite a few different timers & ways of giving warnings. I just don’t know how hard I can push him because he struggles with emotional regulation so I get a big reaction to a lot of (in my mind) reasonable Requests.
Smart kids can be such a pain, ha ha. Not sure what the things are, can you explain it as, this is a rule for all people and that includes people with asd. My kid hasn't tried to use her diagnoses as excuses but she is big on rules, especially when she was that age.
I like that phrasing and I think it might work.
Some of it I know he is just being more open about his struggles (ie: meltdowns/emotional control) but some of it is so blatantly an attempt at a manipulation (ie: limits on screen time or picking up).
We are struggling with Ds1 (8yo) . It’s been a few months since his ASD diagnosis and he is using it as an excuse for everything he doesn’t want to do. I don’t know how to draw the line between having extra patience/making accommodations excuse he is an ND kid ideas and forcing him to do necessary things.
Have you ever waited a long time for furniture and then it doesn’t look how you imagined it would? We waited for MONTHS for our pottery barn couches to arrive and they came broken so I bought the dupes at IKEA. Now I’m not sure they really work in the room because of how the windows are laid out 🤦🏻♀️
Want to go up against an elementary school SPED teacher?
Oh I have a lot of pent up anger about how DD's school handled (or more specifically, didn't handle) her significant learning disabilities. I could fight about this.
We are still battling for the correct services . They keep saying they don’t need to give him what we & his private therapist think he needs because it isn’t affecting his academics. It’s like they have totally forgotten that GT kids (like DS1) can be SPED students too.
Every time I look at the thread topics I'm disappointed that someone isn't asking for help picking a fight. I can't help with flights, but I'm your girl if you're looking to start a fight.
Want to go up against an elementary school SPED teacher?
Only 2 more weeks until I take the big kids on the trip to England & Wales my mom wanted to take them on ❤️ So excited to go back to the UK and see family!
Poor Ds1 is really struggling on the social skills front and the school is useless in helping with that. Luckily his OT is in network and is willing to add a social skills session each week for him and bill it as OT so insurance cover it.
Does it have to be a dress or would a skirt and top work? Target has a tennis skirt that is a LLL dupe…it’s adults size but IMO the wild fable brand runs small so the XS might work for her.
ETA: I just re-read and I don't think you're looking for tee shirts, just short sleeve shirts. Sorry lol
Well fitting tees would be great because almost all of those that I’ve found are also cropped and/or tight! I will definitely check them out, thank you!
I love the Madewell whisper tees and jcrew factory girlfriend tees.
Plus Ds3 still dislikes me and has the strongest parent preference I’ve ever heard of for an (almost) 3 year old.
In case it helps - DD2 had the strongest preference for DH for 3 years. She didn’t even say my name until she was already speaking in almost sentences (like she knew the name of the random man down the street “Alan” but she called me “this”). She threw a fit if I was going to do her bedtime. It fixed itself around 3 or so, and now she is pretty even in her affections.
Thanks! He used to wait for an hour + for DH to get him out of his crib 😂
I just got busy 🤷🏻♀️ but I don’t think I could ever leave y’all permanently ❤️
Balancing Ds1 ASD therapy & piano, DS2 basketball and then both of them in swim. Plus Ds3 still dislikes me and has the strongest parent preference I’ve ever heard of for an (almost) 3 year old.
We had the ASD conversation gradually, multiple times . Starting with “your brain works differently than most kids” and moving up to the diagnosis name.
Ds1 is too young to have an opinion in the language issue but DH is also on the spectrum and doesn’t care .