Bagger at a grocery store at I think 14 or 15? You could work in my state at 14 but I remember my brother and I both applied (he was 16 so he could drive us to work) and only he got hired at first. I worked there a year or two before I got a job as a waitress.
If you have kids, plan some time with her without your kids. That might sound obvious, but many of my friends were incapable of doing that and it was truly painful for me. I wanted to see their kids (frequently even!) but there were times where I really couldn't handle it and I needed to feel like I wasn't "left behind" or that I wouldn't be their friend anymore because life didn't turn out the way I hoped it would.
If she's into it, maybe plan a little spa action, yoga, a hike, etc. - something that can honor her body, if you will. Fertility treatments make you feel like absolute shit physically and mentally you hate your body because you feel like it failed.
Beginning: married at 23 and 22 (H) and moved to DC for my job and grad school for him. Lived there until 3 years ago. Tried to start a family there, faced multiple miscarriages, and after living the fun, young city life we decided our next phase needed to be different. We moved to our hometown in MI to be closer to aging parents and our siblings as we wanted to still grow our family.
Current: living in hometown, finally with a kiddo (took 4 years of 3 pregnancy losses and 1 failed adoption), and managing family health challenges (his step-mom, my parents). We're excited to finally have a kid and hope to have more and just enjoy raising them for the next 18+ years. We hope to still travel as we raise our kids, mostly domestic.
Next: Continue managing aging parents, as well as my uncles who never had children. When we retire, we don't have false notions of extensive international travel. If we're healthy and able, great! But our parents aging has shown us that waiting to travel just means you probably won't travel at all. I'd like to sell our current home, buy something very small on/near Lake Michigan (or just fix up the very modest family home I'll inherit) and spend my days volunteering, gardening, reading, etc. If we have grandkids, great! Otherwise, I'll look forward to spending time with our child(ren).
The also do gifts for college, illness, etc. It's more than I would personally spend, but we really enjoyed it.
THIS. We received Spoonful of Comfort after an adoption fell through and it was such a welcome gift. I've since used it for funerals or new parents as well, especially for out of town friends/family.
For in-town food gifts or meal trains, I bring banana bread muffins, breakfast burritos, fresh cut veggies with hummus, and cookie dough balls with baking instructions. I want a mix of indulgent and healthy items, depending on how the person/people are feeling and especially for new parents, I want items to be one-hand edible.
For gifts for friends, I've used Small Packages which has been especially nice when you want to acknowledge something without going overboard.
H and I lived 12 hours from our families for the first 10 years of our marriage and in its own way it was nice because it forced us to build our own traditions, just the two of us. We considered what we liked that our families did, what we hated that they did, and what we wished they did.
For Thanksgiving we watch the parade (it will be different this year), bake pumpkin muffins, and lounge around in PJs all day but dress up for dinner. The day after Thanksgiving we decorate for Christmas, make a fancy pants macaroni and cheese and drink a hella expensive bottle of wine while watching Home Alone.
For Christmas this year we'll be alone because we're expecting a baby at that time and she'll likely be here by then. We're making ridiculously simple yet indulgent meals and snuggling baby girl.
I don't always follow it but I've had a lot of success using The New Sonoma Diet book as a resource. I like it because in addition to explaining why the food is a better alternative, it has menus and recipes. It starts with a 10 day cleanse, if you will, and I do highly recommend doing that cleanse because it helps your body embrace the dietary changes. Also big bonus, the book includes wine as part of your diet after the 10 day cleanse.
So, this point interests me. I am firmly entrenched in a very homogeneous, upper middle class Catholic community. I do know of many women who vote staunchly with the conservative candidate because of abortion. I know they don't like Trump. In a way I wonder of the SC appointment almost absolves them of a feeling of obligation to keep Trump in office. RBG's seat was like a carrot being dangled. And with Biden being Catholic and a much better person overall, they can vote with good conscious.
I suspect that some people in my catholic high school circle will feel free to vote against Trump if Coney Barrett gets confirmed. Now that he’s appointed so many conservative judges and Roe v Wade is easier to shoot down, he’s no longer useful to them.
I know several people who have said that if ACB gets confirmed that they would no longer vote for Trump exactly for that reason - his usefulness, if you will, is gone.
I don't know anyone lying, per se, but keeping their vote private which I assume means they are voting for Trump. Most of the people I know are Christian and of those voting for Trump aren't doing so because of abortion views, rather, they're voting for him based on the economy or other fiscal issues.
I think people keep it private/do lie because of the vitriol they receive if they share who they are voting for, and I think that ultimately holds us back from people able to change their views. There is a lack of openness to discourse on both sides and that doesn't help us make progress on important issues or views.
We did 99% of the work through email and online forms. We had to sign in-person, but the notary was only in the room when she absolutely had to be. Everything was sanitized and masks were worn. We were probably face to face with the notary for less than 5 minutes.
I don't do signs but my neighborhood has a lot of Biden signs. I wouldn't say it's necessarily indicative of anything because it's a liberal area. Nearer my parents it's more conservative and there are no Biden signs, a few GIANT Trump signs.
Yes, but no one hates that more than H and I. We hate being *that* couple.
We met when he was a junior and I was a senior but at different schools, went to different colleges, dated the whole time and got married at 23 and 22 (as soon as H graduated undergrad.) We've been together since 2004.
I know several couples who did the same from both of our high schools and all except 1 couple are still married. We live in a lifestyle conservative-ish area, so it's not uncommon. It's quite common for people to marry their college sweethearts.
I'm going to answer for both my current job/location and my previous ones, in case the comparison is helpful:
Current:
1) How long is your current commute? 0 minutes - I work from home, even w/o COVID
2) Do you commute by car or PT? N/A
3) What is the furthest commute you’d consider if the house, school, and neighborhood was perfect? 30 minutes, but only from one point to another. So, I wouldn't tolerate a 45 min commute to my job AND school, unless they were in the same area. When I've casually looked at job postings here, I've considered ones 30 min car drive, mostly highway, away.
4) do you live in a big or little city? Suburbs or rural? Little city.
Our old location, about 2.5 years ago:
1) How long is your current commute? 10 minutes after we moved to the neighborhood where my office was located. H commuted 45 minutes. Before we moved to that neighborhood H's commute was over an hour and mine was about 45 min - 1 hr.
2) Do you commute by car or PT? I walked, H drove his car, 1/2 city 1/2 highway. PT would have taken 1.5 hours. Before we moved closer to my office, I drove most of the time as PT would have taken 1.5 hrs including a bus to the station and vice versa.
3) What is the furthest commute you’d consider if the house, school, and neighborhood was perfect? Over time we moved closer to our jobs because the commute took a lot out of us mentally and time wise. If we had stayed there, we would have stayed within a 30 min radius of one of our jobs, the other up to 1 hr. That's obviously difficult, and part of our motivation to move to a small city.
4) do you live in a big or little city? Suburbs or rural? That was a big city - DC.
FWIW I always thought DC's PT was awful compared to cities like Chicago and NYC. I consider Chicago my 2nd home and our lifestyle would have been much more pleasant had we lived there.
1-On a scale of 1-10, where do you think you are in terms of having your financial house in order?
7? We're DINKs but expecting a baby in December. We're very stable with good plans in place but could save more if we wanted/needed to.
2-How many months of expenses do you keep on your e-fund?
3. We plan our e-fund around in the unlikely event we would both be jobless and we're both in very stable jobs. We're able to cash flow house repairs but we have a few big ticket items that we're going to save for once I receive my annual bonus in January (basically funnel the bonus directly to a 2nd account.)
3-Are you and your significant other on the same page financially?
Yes, except for small disagreements. It gives me peace of mind to do things a bit more Dave Ramsey like but H views the long-term and dollar for dollar comparison.
4-Do you have one account with your SO or do you do separate and one for expenses?
Shared
5-Do you own real estate outside your primary home?
Hell. No. We've seen our parents manage it and it's a nightmare for our own goals.
6-Do you have enough in your retirement account to meet Fidelity’s multiple of your salary based upon age (1x by 30, 3x by 40, 6x by 50, 8x by 60, 10x by 67)?
No, but that's in part because H got a PhD and started late and we both have had significant increases in our salary over the last 10 years.
7-How old will you be when you retire?
It's so far away but in our 60's.
8-Are your parents financially sound or in a place you have to worry about them?
They are thankfully financially sound.
9-Do you save for your kids college?
Kid #1 due in December and we will save. My goal is to pay off my student loans next year and then directly funnel that money into a 529.
10-Have you always been financially savvy?
Savvy? Maybe, moreso interested. I joined MM in my early 20's so I've read a lot and been mindful for a long time.
11-What was your inspiration for getting your finances in order?
Seeing the value of prosperity over several generations in my family. My grandparents were poor and my parents took care of them. They were happy to do it, of course, but I don't want my kids worrying about me. I also appreciate the quality of life difference between poverty and comfort. My goal isn't to be "rich" but to be secure.
12-What do you spend money on that would make people think you are not financially savvy?
Take out and leasing our car. We're only leasing because we needed a new car but didn't want to get a huge car, though will want a bigger one in just a couple years. We get a lot of take out or dine out because we're lazy.
I had no idea other people have "sandal foot"! I'm adopted so I don't know my biological family and I've never met anyone else with it. I'm self-conscious about it because people (especially nail techs) comment on it a lot...
I have a septate uterus.
My rib cage extends quite far, and not in the thin-person way. No doctor has commented but it makes buying dresses or shirts difficult/it looks strange in certain clothes.
I'm Catholic and H is Reformed Protestant and we're based in West Michigan. Our Catholic church has re-opened but the diocese still has a dispensation to miss mass, or to have a weekday mass "count", if that's important to you. I have attended mass about 75% while we have been re-opened. The first 6 weeks you had to register to attend so they could limit attendance. Everyone must wear a mask, the entire mass, the only exception being when you are literally placing the host (body of Christ) into your mouth. There is hand sanitizer everywhere and you must use it before entering the church and moments before receiving the Eucharist. There is singing, but with masks on, and no books/papers to touch. The church is cleaned after each mass. Parties/families are seated together, but 6 ft from other parties, so every other pew and alternating R/L in the pew. There is still limited capacity, but they have found that people have self-regulated attendance enough that it doesn't appear they've had to turn a bunch of people away.
Our Protestant church will just this week start to have parking lot services. Most Protestant churches have not resumed in-person services.
Most Catholic and main stream Protestant churches have had online streaming for services as well.
We're spending more but almost intentionally so. With our (thankfully) very stable jobs we feel a duty to spend money on gifts for friends, meals for friends, supporting local businesses.
We also live someone low cost lives - we already worked from home, we don't have kids, aren't big shoppers, etc.
Thankfully, no change. I assume my annual bonus (paid Jan 2021) will be less, but only maybe? I work for a large non-profit so our 2020 budget isn't impacted but 2021 and 2022 likely will be.
We'll likely keep our current home as our forever home. It's great for aging as the master suite is on the main floor. Then we'll travel for extended periods during January/February because winter can be a bit rough here.
We might downsize to a smaller home in our neighborhood, but if the house is paid off I don't see a need to go through all that hassle if we can use our current home w/o mobility challenges.
We've talked about downsizing to a condo in a nearby resort town and renting it out in the summers if/when we travel during that time but housing is very limited and it'll always be expensive.
I'm an adoptee, born in late 80's with a basically closed adoption.
Teens are hard, yo. So many feelings. She could feel one way on a Tuesday and another on a Friday. Heck, sometimes I'm even that way now with my adoption.
The way I've explained it to other APs (and I'm adopting in February, btw) is that there are peaks and valleys in processing the trauma and experience of adoption. Things will get harder and many (hopefully most) days will seem totally normal and OK. Different life stages have different complexities. When I was the same age as my birth-mom when I was born, that was really hard to process her experience and my own. Now that I'm twice that age, I'm dealing with a lack of health information, curiosity if family is alive, do I have other relatives, etc.
Regarding bio-dad, you should share information as it's age appropriate, but by 18 I think it's appropriate to share everything you know, and even things that might be a possibility. Withhold nothing.
I disagree with some folks who say that she'll come to you with questions. I rarely did/do because my parents are highly emotional and don't manage it well. Maybe you're different. But your proactive and open approach is awesome.
If she's not in therapy, I recommend it at some point. She might decline for now and that's OK, and may not do it until adulthood but adoption is trauma and it does need to be navigated as part of overall mental health, just as we seek professional help in our physical health as well.
It sounds like you're doing a great job. This is hard!
We moved here planning for it to be our forever home. The previous two owners did the same, essentially, until one spouse remained and they downsized. It's well laid out for us as we age (not a ranch but master bed/bath is on the main floor), we're near family, and job options here are good.
I only see us moving if the neighborhood becomes unsafe (unlikely, it's been decent for 100 years) or if we have a child with special needs (we live in a shit school district).
I don't think a dishwasher has been said but that's a big one for me. We didn't have one for several years and it sucked. I still regularly tell my husband how grateful I am for a dishwasher.
My electric blanket. Only bought it last week and we are constantly fighting each other and the dogs for it.
I'm a recruiter in the non-profit space and while we're open to negotiation, we try to avoid it because it creates an awkwardness between the candidate and future supervisor. As a recruiter, I ask about a candidate's compensation needs right at the beginning, including salary (a range, what their floor is, etc.) and other benefits. My job is to make sure that when we get to the offer stage, the compensation isn't why a candidate says no.
That being said, we're much more flexible than most organizations. Some companies really don't have wiggle room in their budget, or maybe you were the top of their budget. If they knew that about you, though, then they shouldn't have strung out the process.
It was built in 1947 and I love it. Lots of charm but also well laid out. The bathrooms are still original (blah) but everything is in pretty good condition all things considered.
I had fish and chips and chowder almost every where because it was dependent on what was caught that day, so it varied. Scones, soda bread, and brown bread.
The one restaurant worth specifically writing home about is Electric in Cork.
Going camping in MI's UP in June and kayaking at Pictured Rocks.
In July we're doing our annual beach week in North Top Sail, NC with our friends. It'll be 8 of us, no kids, 2 dogs. I plan to do nothing but eat, drink, and read on the beach.