Oh man I am so so sorry. I'm just a month out from losing my dad. It is devastatingly hard. I wish I had some magical advice that would make it feel better. People are right - grief comes in waves. Sometimes the ocean will be quiet and smooth and other times you'll feel like you are caught in a tsunami.
SO many hugs. It's a rotten rotten club to be in.
It's really a god awful feeling that there's a world without him in it now. It is devastating. I'm so sorry you're dealing with it too. I'm thinking of you too.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I'm still kind of in shock, I think. It has been an awful month. The girls are ok, it's very hard for them because we are so close to my parents. We have lived with them and we are at their house every day. Keira especially is having a very hard time with it. He was her best friend. We have been staying at my parents house while he's been sick so I could help my mom with his care. The girls and my nephew were here, my brother is in rehab but was allowed out to come visit, we all said our goodbyes and went to bed. He died about an hour or two later. Ugh, it's brutal. Thanks again for all of the kind words and prayers, I've read them all. ❤
Post by textbookcase on Mar 13, 2017 22:25:27 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. The home health nurse came today and she is actually one of my good friends. She was also my nurse when C was born, it was her first ever baby delivery. Small town perk. So I'm happy about that, I'm comfortable with her and she said to my mom "I always give 100% but with you guys I'll give 110%".
Another one of my friends came by with a sweet card and some gift cards for Starbucks and food. So nice.
My mom and I are EXHAUSTED. Dad is doing worse every day, it seems. His confusion is worse. He goes in and out of sleep and talks like whatever he was dreaming about is really happening. I think that most of the nausea and other effects are due to the cancer and not the chemo anymore, it's been over a week since treatment.
Anyway, thanks for the good thoughts and prayers. I really appreciate it.
Post by textbookcase on Mar 12, 2017 20:17:23 GMT -5
This is all I do now, apparently.
He got home from the hospital two days ago after being there for 2.5 weeks.
His diagnosis ended up being "peritoneal carcinomatosis, high grade neuroendocrine cancer of unknown primary" which I guess is all pretty rare and also pretty aggressive and terrible. He had a 3 day round of chemo at the hospital and he goes back for another 3 days later this month.
He is doing pretty terribly, he needs pretty much round the clock care and my mom and I are basically it. It's been miserable. He feels shitty, he's scared, he's angry, he's taking it out on those around him. I know it's normal but man, it's hard.
Post by textbookcase on Mar 3, 2017 19:31:22 GMT -5
I was in 4h as a kid and I'm an adult volunteer now, my kids are heavily involved in 4h.
It's been pretty well covered but yeah, rabbits don't have to be auctioned, along with cavys (guinea pigs), waterfowl, Pygmy goats, dogs, and dairy heifers. At our fair all market goats, pigs, lambs, and steer must go through auction. You can also do breeding projects with most breeds.
There are also tons of non-animal projects. Cooking, rocketry, entomology, sewing, photography, robotics, etc. just to name a few. My kids each do 5-7 projects, including rabbits and goats. My oldest is also really involved in 4h leadership and does a ton of cool stuff with that.
Post by textbookcase on Mar 3, 2017 1:20:11 GMT -5
Thanks, guys. It's just so much at once. I'm still in shock about my dad. We have no official diagnosis or prognosis but I know what the symptoms point to and I can't wrap my head around it.
I'll definitely bow out of the things I can get out of during fair. I just can't do the full load this time. I think Ks goats broken leg might be a positive, at least that's one less thing to do. (Lovebug will be fine, she's in a little goaty cast)
Post by textbookcase on Mar 2, 2017 17:03:32 GMT -5
My dad is still in the hospital. He has cancer for sure but they don't know exactly where yet. He has been too weak/unstable for much testing. Today he is having a PET scan so we will have answers soon. He has ascites and the fluid keeps building up, they've "tapped" it twice in a week and it keeps building up. He is in a lot of pain and discomfort. He's in the hospital in San Diego, 2 hours away from here. I've been up there twice this week. My mom is holding it together pretty well but I know a breakdown is coming (understandable) and I'm really worried about how she's going to cope with all of this. My parents are the most codependent people I've ever met, I can't imagine either of them without the other.
It's also county fair time. You know how involved my kids are in 4-h. These 2 weeks are our craziest weeks of the year. I don't even want to do it but the kids have so much time and money invested in their projects. This is their thing. ALSO Ks goat broke its leg yesterday (day before fair) so that's fun and now we can't take her.
We've been staying at my parents house because the mold mushroom house is uninhabitable and smells like a goddamn cave. I finally found a new rental, we move on the 10th. So on top of everything else I have to pack, move, etc in between fair, my dad, and everything else. I'm not really coping with any of it very well and have random bouts of crying at least 4 times a day. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.
I just want to sleep for a month. Sorry this turned into a novel.
Post by textbookcase on Feb 26, 2017 11:54:39 GMT -5
There isn't much of an update, yet. He is still in the hospital awaiting some testing. His kidney function has improved, it was in the process of shutting down when he went in (he has one functional kidney) and now it's almost back at 100%. Liver not doing so good but they don't think his liver is the primary issue. He has ascites, they drained 4.2 liters of fluid from his abdomen yesterday, today he is 6 lbs heavier and distended and uncomfortable again. He's in a lot of pain.
They noticed abnormalities in the lining of his abdomen? Or intestines. Tomorrow he will have a biopsy but for now it sounds like they think it's some kind of cancer.
It's so shocking to go from being spry and seemingly healthy 2 weeks ago to his body shutting down in a hospital bed. He looks so old and weak
Make sure you have a lot of room. The vines can be over 50 feet long. Ours grew up from our fence and into the neighbor's maple tree. In the fall, after the leaves dropped, you could see loofahs hanging in the tree, 40 feet up in the air.
SO were those free range loofahs ok for people to steal?
Post by textbookcase on Feb 23, 2017 12:09:57 GMT -5
Thanks, guys. Google is scary. They're waiting on lots of tests today but in his words, "things aren't looking good" 😢 my parents have always been so active and healthy (besides drinking a lot, which I'm sure contributed to this) and this came on so fast.
Post by textbookcase on Feb 23, 2017 10:46:20 GMT -5
This came on very suddenly. He was fine 2 weeks ago, healthy, active. Then he got a blood clot in his leg. Went to the dr, discovered pulmonary embolism. Started medication, was responding well. Then over the past week he started feeling worse and worse, abdominal pain, weakness, low blood pressure, high blood sugar (t2 diabetes), general feeling shitty. I encouraged him to go to the er yesterday after his dr had been brushing off his symptoms all week. He spent the night in the ER and was told his liver and kidneys are shot. I don't know exactly what that means, I don't think he does yet either, but I know it's not good. Ugh. Thoughts and prayers please.